Why Are Dinner Dates Always Off The Menu? Help Me Love Doctor

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).

Question:

What should I do to improve my chances for a long-term relationship? I keep failing to bag a second date, even though I try not to be too eager.

After a first date I always leave it for a few days to try to sort out meeting up again. Yet each time I ask a woman out for dinner as a follow-up text I get completely ignored. How do I change my fortunes?

Everton, Discovery Bay

It is a pity that your tactics of asking various ladies out for dinner are being shunned. My initial suggestion is to always offer a woman two options, for example offer an activity (bowling, dancing, visit to something you both like) on Saturday or to catch a movie on Tuesday. Showing respect and giving her a choice should pay dividends.

However, the reason you are being ignored could be because of the way you have approached these women. They would surely prefer you to be a gentleman and call them rather than rely on an impersonal text message.

Careful with your kiss
Women tend to read into text messages more than men. For example, if you put an upper case kiss at the end it indicates that you are super eager, whereas if you failed to include a kiss then you don’t seem that keen.

My advice is to immediately drop your plan of texting a lady a few days after your first date. That is unless you contact her to state that you are thinking of her and thanking her for your amazing date.

Dating really is all about momentum. Your best bet to successfully securing a second date is to close your first date with the view to setting up a rendezvous.

Waiting a few days is usually about at least one of you playing games, yet dating should be about not waiting too long to see each other.

Original second date
You should come up with something original for a second date rather than dinner. Yes it shows that you are a gentleman and are prepared to treat her, but most women are fed up of chit-chat over a meal and would be better off showing their character.

Ideally something that you both have a mutual interest in, which you will have gleaned during your first date, is best to aim for. She is more likely to want to see you for a second date if it is an activity that she enjoys.

Be courageous enough to ask the lady out while you are still on your first date. Or at least hint that you would love to do a specific activity together, without actually arranging it. For example, if she mentions a live band, her hobbies or even a new movie then you can simply state “We should go and do that next week or the week after”.

Read body language
From here you must read her body language, because the way she reacts to your suggestion of seeing each other again is a massive tell-tale sign of whether she is interested in you.

Ensure that during your date you ask the all-important question of: “How long have you been single?”.This is so you can determine whether she is actually keen on you romantically.

Always prepare for the first date, another potential reason why you are unsuccessful in the long-term. Avoid talking about yourself too much and being one-dimensional. If you have revealed too much during your first date, then this could be the reason that you are getting ignored when you suggest a second date.

Hold back stories
Being mysterious and a great listener will make this lady want to learn more about you. Hold back your funny stories and anything you could use at a later date to try and impress her. Instead feed little nuggets of information to try to maintain her interest in you.

If you can mention doing activities together, and her body language indicates that would be fun, then you stand an excellent chance of bagging a second date.

Should your first date run smoothly, then do let the lady know that you had an enjoyable time and beam her a smile so she remembers this about you.

I urge you to stop playing games by waiting days before you message her, as it has failed big time. Now is the time to be courageous, be direct and tell her would like to see her again. However, she needs an incentive to see you and not just dinner.

Be the man
There’s a huge risk that any chemistry you built on your first date will have begun to fade if you wait too long to contact her about a second date. So be the man and take control, rather than be timid with a text and playing games with your delaying tactics.

Following the expectation and excitement of your first date you need to up the ante. Offer two options to the lady for a second date and be a gentleman.

However, to make a new romance blossom you do require a connection, a mutual interest and a physical spark. Armed with these assets will prove smooth sailing to securing a second date.

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