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I am disappointed that my last potential date called me to ask if I would split the bill for dinner out. I slammed down the phone in disgust, but should I have gone ‘Dutch’ with him?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
You may have been a little too quick to react as his words obviously took you by surprise and you did not find out the reason behind his query.
However, any decent gentleman should be chivalrous on an initial romance date. He should fully appreciate that a lady will already be spending money on her appearance for this seemingly special get together.
Yet this practice of splitting the bill on the first date is becoming more commonplace. This is because of the popularity of digital dating, with plenty of women taking advantage of men paying for drinks and dinner.
Men have wised up for being taken for a free meal ticket. Nevertheless, I believe that they should be more of a gentleman if they seriously do like the lady that they wish to pursue romantically.
However, I do urge any man to consider whether he in on the conveyor belt of being the bank for certain ladies who want their nights out fully paid.
This is fairly simple scenario to work out. Try to find out the potential date’s availability. If she can only go out one or two nights in the week then, unless it is because of looking after children or work-related, she could be a serial dater. The other main option for the man to check is to suggest some bars or restaurants, and enquire whether she has ever been there. If the lady has experienced virtually all of these, then there is a good chance that she has been on a plethora of dates.
My advice to the ladies is to bear this information in mind to keep your cards close to your chest, so that you do not set the alarm bells off for any men interested in dating you.
I know loads of men who now will only consider seeing ladies who will go ‘Dutch’ on dates. This practice is not very chivalrous and understandably these men struggle to find dates.
The origin of men taking care of bills dates back to when there was not the same equality as today. This harks back to when ladies did not always work, and even if they did they tended to earn considerably less than their male counterparts.
In my opinion you have done well to steer clear of dating this particular man. It appears that he has either not been brought up to be a true gentleman, is mean with his money, lacks stability or has had his fingers burned by women using him for a meal out.
Some men genuinely expect to get sex from forking out for a dinner date, which still shocks me. I am constantly surprised by men who complain to me about this and are genuinely perplexed. I always explain that the money spent was on having fun together, and that both their money and the time spent on the date was an investment for the future. They can either continue to see this lady, or learn from the mistakes that made this date average.
Should you ever feel that you do want to split the bill, as this practice is on the increase, there are some great reasons why you will be happy to go ‘Dutch’.
Most importantly, you will not owe them anything as paying half each cancels everything out. If he treats you an expensive meal on the first date then down the line you will be expected to treat him to a night out and may not fancy this as you could be on a limited budget. However, he may expect this as you have set a precedent, so you will always have to settle half of the bill.
If your date did not go as expected, by going ‘Dutch’ at least means that you will not feel guilty nor uncomfortable should you choose to never see him again. By you paying half takes away any power that he believes he has by being generous by settling the bill in full.
But going forward, my advice is to find a man that has better values that wanting you to pay half of the dinner bill on the first date. You are a lady and should be treated with more respect.
Any new romantic interest should make the effort to impress you with his plans for a date. By paying on the initial rendezvous shows that the man values you far above any other lady he could have dated.
So you did the right thing. Now is the time to seek a true gentleman. He does not need to financially well-off, he just has to be genuinely interested in making you feel special by treating you to fun dates – whether it is dinner out, drinks in an upmarket bar, a music or sports event.
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