Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I have realised after Valentine’s Day that I want to find long lasting love in a romantic way? How do I stoke this up? – V, St. Andrew
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Seeking short- and long-term goals to engineer getting your romantic life moving is always terrific for me to learn as a Love Doctor. Love makes the world go round, but not just the romantic sort.
If you desire a lasting and loving relationship then you must firstly find someone special, who also wants a serious relationship as opposed to just some fun.
Generally ladies are searching to settle down with that seemingly elusive someone special, often claiming that they are fussy because deep down they fear rejection from someone that they are not completely bowled over by on first sight.
Men, being visual creatures, tend to follow their eyes – heads are turned by the exposure of flesh – as well as their manhood. Therefore, men prefer to constantly ‘upgrade’ their partner with a younger, more visually appealing lady.
I advise that connection is imperative, which does not have to be immediate. In this modern-day era of impatience, with people wanting things now, many potential partners are simply dismissed for it not being love at first sight.
Experiencing love at first sight is a wondrous feeling, but is not even a regular habit for those romantically-inclined singletons. So for those pinning their hopes on only finding ‘the one’ when it is love at first sight could sadly never experience romantic love.
The very best way to get things moving on the romantic stakes is quite straightforward:
- Get yourself looking and feeling attractive to others;
- Set yourself realistic potential love interests, so you are on the same level in certain areas – for example age, class, looks etc;
- Make better relationship choices, ensuring that you have learned from your failed relationships, and;
- Get back out there with aplomb. Inject a game plan of hanging around the places where you can meet like-minded singletons with similar interests.
At the end of the day to have a fulfilling relationship you need to both be able to love each other in different ways, building up the trust and respect.
When you are lucky enough to find someone that you connect with and this is reciprocated, then the two of you need to concentrate on building that intense feeling of deep affection for each other.
This excitement of finding someone that is attractive looking to you, with a common interest that is the glue that keeps you together, requires conversation and for excellent listening skills to bloom.
You need to avoid a shaky start by telling too much about yourself too soon, or appearing too eager and stinking of desperation. Do not forget that during this early stage you will see each other through rose-tinted glasses, with any flaws glossed over for the time-being.
Loving someone affectionately can progress naturally to the romantic stage, which is when hearts start fluttering and you cannot wait to spend time with this person – either face-to-face or on your cellphone.
The ability to love someone romantically requires both of you being genuine towards each other, with devotion the pivotal key if this relationship is going to end up as a long lasting union.
Communication is vital. A simple message to let each other know that you thinking about one another, whether it is a good morning, goodnight or a how is your day going text.
Spending quality time together is important, even if it is just an hour during the week but then together at the weekend. This builds up the sexual tension as the pair of you can read each other’s body language, reiterate your interest in each other with eye-gazing and applying gentle taps plus the endorphines caused by laughter between you.
Using keywords to show that you care, and also to throw suitable compliments, will stand you in good stead. Any cheerful and kind words will sink into the heart of someone that you care about, and this sets the foundation for you to build on. Not many things make a person feel better about themselves than a thoughtful compliment.
Which brings me onto employing cheeky, but not untoward, physical touch such as a gentle tap to the arm, knee or shoulder when something humorous is said between the two of you. No one ever touches someone that they do not like, so you are only affirming your interest in this person.
Then thoughtful gifts need to appear, to state that you value this person in your life and are thinking of them. Do not overdo this aspect, just surprise them every now and again. Bearing gifts are a way to show your admiration and/or respect for this person.
Do not be shy after you have got these all in place and feel ready to move forwards, express your love for this person and give reasons for what has made you start to fall for them.
This naturally takes the relationship to the final level of loving someone sexually, and if you have not rushed into this area then at least will appreciate that this is love rather than lust.
It goes without saying that we all love surrounding ourselves with sincere people who offer us the feel-good factor. If you can follow my advice then you have every opportunity to successfully love someone affectionately, romantically then sexually to discover a long lasting relationship.
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