Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
My man and I are in a solid relationship, albeit only dating and not engaged or married, but there are money issues now.
Because of the coronavirus we have suffered financial issues. I am suddenly unsure if we can overcome this on-going financial stress. What should we do going forward?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Monetary problems can cause splits unless good communication skills are utilised to work things out.
To cultivate a strong partnership it is vital to take stock of your monetary issues together, so my advice is to arrange to have a serious talk about money at a neutral venue.
That way there is unlikely to be raised voices and conflict when you discuss your respective earnings, savings and spending habits.
As finances are always going to be an important element to the health of any relationship, you both need to be honest and realistic about these current difficulties and transparent about what the future holds.
If you can be supportive to each other now then you can overcome this issue about working out a financial future together.
Obviously you would need to talk candidly about money before you contemplate moving in together. And you do not want to be living under the same roof with money problems in the relationship, as that could make things difficult.
Unfortunately many people have lost their income during the coronavirus as businesses have suffered. This has sadly resulted in financial hardship and for many couples their sudden monetary incompatibility has ended numerous relationships.
Your dilemma is troubling you, whether one of you has lost their job is unclear, so I urge you to try to schedule a moment with your partner to sit down and seriously talk about money and how he sees the future panning out.
This is going to be a difficult conversation and uncomfortable for you both, but it needs to be faced so that you can prepare for a happy future together.
Put your trust and faith into this rendezvous ironing out the worries. Coming up with a plan where you can compromise will at least mean that you do not suddenly get into debt, which would potentially damage your relationship.
You should look at your finances sensibly. If one of you is in between jobs then the other should help try and find suitable employment together, so that there is respect and support rather than blame apportioned. Men are a proud species, so working and getting a regular income is important even if it is not achieved.
However, if your monetary issue is excessive spending then your respective day-to-day expenses need to be calculated and see where these can be trimmed. For example is too much money being spent on alcohol, cigarettes, clothing, gym membership, haircuts, jewellery, nights out, online shopping sprees, takeaways etc?
The only thing you can do is to sit down to discuss your monetary concerns. Explain that you would like this man as you life partner but that this issue is troubling you and ask what he thinks you should do to improve matters.
If you can both actively listen to each other’s input for this tricky conversation, and agree to draw up a plan that you can stick to, then you can overcome this blip as long as you are supportive and loving towards one another.
At the end of the day you need a face-to-face discussion and be ready to both compromise, with no finger of blame pointed.
He should appreciate you voicing your concerns, and surely will appreciate that you have the desire to get your loving relationship back on track to run as smoothly and positively as it used to.
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