How Do I Get Some Romance Into My Life? Help Me Love Doctor
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I am still dreaming of romance, but because of this on-going coronavirus pandemic, it has long deserted me. I do not particularly lust after love, but I do desire a lingering relationship. I do not want to go to my grave being single with my only romance having come from tv shows, movies and reading chick lit novels.
I want real life stimulation because I am in my late 40s with no children and a steady job. What should I do to turn things around?
Keisha, Kingston
Romance has always been portrayed as being the most remarkable experience, as it is the process that makes the love between two people so spectacular. It is not complicated, but romance only functions between those in a loving relationship. So initially you need to be bitten by the bug of love and swept off your feet.
A man’s best friend is meant to be a dog, so why not borrow a dog from a family member, friend or even a work colleague to ensure that you bump into a man organically. It is easy to strike up a conversation with strangers when furry friends take a liking to each other.
There are other places to meet men (See How Do I Get To Meet A More Cultured Man? – Help Me Love Doctor ) and once you start dating, depending on the COVID-19 restrictions, then sweet romance can follow with you being lovey-dovey.
COVID-19 restrictions permitting, if you can meet each other even if you cannot visit bars, clubs, restaurants and so forth, does not restrict any new man from showing some romantic elements such as bringing you chocolates and flowers.
Yet you too can also be romantic by taking the lead such as inviting a love interest over for a candlelit dinner, then playing some Italian or Spanish music plus learning some expressions in those languages.
It sounds like you are a hopeless romantic, and to me it seems that the reason you have yet to meet ‘the one’ is because you have been overthinking love and relationships. I suggest that for you to truly change things for the better you should seek a specific type of man to fulfil your romantic needs. You obviously require a man who is willing to pour out his heart and not be afraid to disclose how you make him feel. This may be super romantic, but do not forget that this kind of man tends to be a scarcity.
This sort of man wears his heart on his sleeve as well as gives the lady in his life his undivided attention by genuinely listening. Once you become an established couple then some of his romantic gestures are likely to be related to the information you relayed such as your favourite drink, holiday destination, scent etc.
These super romantic men do exist, and now you know what you need to search for and you are equipped to get out there to seek such a gentleman. ( See – What Actions And Chat-Up Lines Will Get Me Out Of The Friend Zone?)
Your problem is that the powerful yet sugar-coated romances you are reading and watching are created solely for entertainment purposes. These are meant to be aspirational, but are not as run-of-the-mill in real life as they are on the big screen. This leaves hopes dashed for men and ladies.
So take a leaf out of the romantic comedies that you have enjoyed and, instead of expecting the man of your dreams to suddenly appear on your doorstep, hunt down that someone special that you are attracted to and turn the tables by being the romantic one.
You cannot simply sit back and rely on just another stereotypical man being romantic towards you when you are single. Everyday scenarios such as shopping and walking are great opportunities for you to meet someone single and suitable. Do not be intimidated, men like confident ladies so feel free to approach and make conversation.
Supermarkets are brilliant places to meet singletons, especially down the ready meals and snack sections. You should linger down these, even if it means making a phone call while you wait for a suitor to come down the aisle. Then either go for the same product at the same time as the man you like, which means you are both probably going to get a chance to smile at each other. This is a chance to initiate a conversation. Alternatively, you can ask a man for some advice such as whether he has tried a specific meal or snack that you are standing in front of.
I urge you to subtly let any potential suitors be aware of your interest in them through body language and your availability to date.
But if you prefer to only stick to men you already know then there are ways to give them the right signals. I suggest that you try to find out about their interests, from their friends or even social media platforms. If they are keen on something then do your research so that you can engage in conversation, but always reiterate that you are not an expert about it. That gives you a common interest to hook them in.
Dreaming about meeting someone tall, dark and handsome for example, who is going to end your days of being single will remain a dream unless you make the effort to be proactive and do something about it.
Try giving a man that you have discussed a common interest an inkling that you like him by buying him a scented candle to chill. Then tell him that you have the same candle at yours that you enjoy relaxing to in the bath. With men being visual creatures then it is virtually impossible for him to not think of you in the bath all chilled out. That is a great way to kick-start a possible amorous relationship.
Romantic gestures are ultimately unselfish gestures, so another fantastic way to impress a man that you want to get to know more is to organise a general get together of his friends or colleagues but invite him last. That way he will have his nose put out of joint by waiting at least 24 hours after all of the others had been invited. And at the event go up and be mysterious by telling him that you always like to save the best for last then walk away. He should be captivated by you being so mysterious and perplexed by your words. No doubt he will want to learn more and speak to you.
Remember that the word romantic was originally used in England to describe inventiveness in both literature and paintings. So do feel free to be creative and unafraid to approach men, because waiting in the wings will get you nowhere but showing confidence and your own romantic gestures could land you a lifelong partner.
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