Help Me, I Have Been Busted For Showing Too Much Skin! – Dear Love Doctor
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I have split up with my boyfriend after a massive fight over my assets. He claimed that I show too much cleavage when we go out, yet he liked them on show when we first started dating.
Should I try to repair the relationship?
Sharon, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
He has got all hot and bothered about you showing a racy amount of flesh, and obviously forgotten that was one of the reasons that he was initially attracted to you.
In general, revealing tops are meant to attract men. And for many women they like to flaunt their cleavage as they know what they have got and how the opposite sex will react.
However, if you are going out in outfits that are so skimpy your nipples are about to pop out then he has got a point.
To me it sounds as though he has got jealous and possessive, because he does not want any other men to be drooling and slack-jawed when they see you. Although you should never sport extra skimpy clothing simply to invite attention from other men, whether you are out with him or with some gal-pals.
Intentionally-exposed cleavage often attracts the turning of heads, stares but worse of all whistles. If you are getting this sort of attention then he had every right to point out why he was displeased with your outfits.
Maybe he is highly insecure about his relationship with you, which is why any extra attention from men when you are out and about has upset him so much.
I would ask your closest friends for a night out on the town, and wear your usual outfits because during the evening you can ask them whether you are revealing too much skin. It is always useful to ask those who will give you an honest answer for some guidance.
During the night out you will be able to determine whether men are looking at your face or your cleavage.
Then you need to consider, during your night out, whether your concept of dressing to impress is actually attracting the attention of the sort of men that you desire. If they are not then you should consider a wardrobe update that reflects your personality, and is on par with the type of men that you are attracted to.
Regardless of the information gleaned from your night out, do not get romantically involved with someone new so rapidly as you could regret it. You will no doubt be familiar with the expression “Out of the frying pan and into the fire”.
You need some healing time, as well as some space to think about whether you wish to get back with your former partner.
However, you must not be naive to the possibility that he may be using the fact that you are flashing the flesh as an excuse to argue and move on.
Have a quick think as to his recent behaviour. Could he have had his head turned? Did he start taking undue interest in other women? Did he start throwing any new names of ladies into conversations? Had he stopped paying you the usual attention?
If you truly believe that your relationship could be repaired then I suggest you give him a bit of space, around 10 days, without any form of contact. This way he will learn whether he misses you or not, and vice versa.
After 10 days I urge you to send him a short text message, which states that he has been on your mind so you would love to have a face-to-face rendezvous to either salvage the relationship or end things with a clean break.
If he agrees then start showing him that you are no wallflower by taking charge and offering him the choice of two times and places to meet.
Should you manage to get together then you need to obviously dress more demure. Yet over these 10 days you may have already upgraded your wardrobe either to cheer yourself up from this break, or because your friends told you that your outfits were too racy.
Sit down with him and explain that your clothes were to mirror your personality and unique style, which was partly the reason that he showed interest and you began dating in the first place.
Explain that you have always been true to him and that your fidelity remains solid. Demonstrate that you care about the two of you growing together, and reaffirm to him that you believe there is a future by referring to some of the wondrous moments that you had together.
You should reiterate the reason you decide to show some of your skin is because it makes you feel confident and sexy, then listen to what he has to say. At the end of the day, if you are going to work as a couple you need to understand each other and compromise.
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