Double Trouble As I Love My Fiancé And Neighbour – Please Help Me Love Doctor

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).

Question:

I’m engaged to be married but I’ve fallen in love with the man next door. He’s dreamy to look at and makes me feel sexy in bed, although that’s just happened once. 

Love Doctor MontiMe and and my partner are in our 20s, we’ve been together for six years but I’m now bored as he has no seduction skills and we’re more like housemates following the forced lockdown when we were under each other’s feet.

This new guy, 33, recently divorced, moved into our street in March. After he called to collect a parcel that I intercepted for him, it was obvious that he showed interest in me.

I’d often bump into our neighbour walking his dog, and he now texts me to say when he’s leaving the house so that we can go for a walk at the same time. 

My neighbour even suggested I sneak into his house for a coffee one day, but we ended up having a quickie upstairs that was out of this world.

Life is easier now that lockdown has eased but my dilemma is the same, I love my fiancé so much but the shine has come off and I feel really stuck in this sad relationship.

Candice – Westmoreland

Love Doctor’s Answer

This new neighbour of yours has turned your head and made you feel like a sexy lady once more, but that is because your current relationship has taken a nosedive in the physical department.

You claim that your fiancé has not got any real seduction techniques and that the romance has wilted, but it takes two to tango and you have to decide whether you are prepared to inject some passion back into the relationship or walk away.
Having been intimate just the once with your neighbour indicates that there is little chance of a fulfilling long-term relationship between you.

As he is recently divorced, for whatever reason, his self-esteem would have taken a huge hit. Therefore, if he can find a woman — literally any woman — to have meaningless intercourse with to boost his confidence then he probably will. You may have been his only conquest or he may be playing the field. This is sadly a common pattern for both divorced men and ladies to find someone as a one-off to reassure themselves that they are still attractive and desirable. I would imagine that you are mistaking this one intimate experience of lust as love.

Sneaking off for a quickie and going for secret walks with your good-looking neighbour needs to come to a halt if you truly love your fiancé, otherwise you risk losing his trust and then your relationship is extremely likely to come crashing down and leave you single.

My advice is to explain to your neighbour that it was a one-off experience which you enjoyed, that you would like him to no longer text you about secret walks with the dog and explain that you are planning a long-term future with your fiancé who you truly love.

The desire between you and your fiancé desperately needs rekindling, so have a proper talk to him about this and explain the reasons why you feel unloved and unappreciated. He will probably be feeling the same way but as a man he is probably going to keep things bottled up until quizzed.

There are numerous ways to get the spark back between you, but the first thing I suggest is for you to take a romantic vacation — even if it is only for a weekend — at one of the island’s beautiful resorts. Rainy season is almost over, so plan somewhere for a break in November or early December in order to help kick-off the festive season with more passion and affection between you than usual.

You must tell your fiancé that you need him to be more amorous, doting and tender. Arrange once a week date nights, even if it is watching a movie at home by scented candles with some food you don’t normally buy, but now is the perfect time to start to make each other feel special.

Communication is key to getting your rocky relationship back on track, so try candlelit dinners at home and find out about each other’s day — being patient and listening will play a key role. You definitely need to start going on romantic walks together, hopefully your neighbour will see you, and do ensure that you walk hand-in-hand or touch when appropriate.

You should start prompting your fiancé to be more attentive by giving him daily compliments, which will boost his spirits and re-energise him. Once he realises that you give are the one person to give him a daily smile then he will be so much happier with you. He is most likely to start to return these compliments in due course, and when you both feel loved then you should have the groove back in your relationship and will organically find opportunities to physically connect. 

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