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I’m aged 55 and been in an on-off relationship with a Florida-based gentleman who is 10 years older than me. He’s a big flirt online, so I’ve ended our relationship for a second time because I felt rejected and unwanted.
The problem stems from the fact that he seems to live for social media platforms. On Facebook he has been befriending mainly single women, and I was always uncomfortable with his comments on their posts.
There was one particular woman that I’ve been watching him communicate with for a couple of years, and each time he’s on Facebook Messenger she is also online. I originally dumped him in 2018 over this woman as I got jealous.
He asked us to become friends a year later, yet this woman still regularly corresponds with him. Because he continues to give her more time and attention than me I’ve walked away from the relationship yet again, but I’m wondering if I’ve overreacted and made a mistake.
Worried woman, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer
As your second shot at the relationship was not romantic, just friendship, then the recent loss should not be too much to shoulder for you.
As this man has been in your life, albeit in an on-off scenario, then you maybe are thinking of the void he has left in your life without him. And with the ongoing uncertainty to your everyday life in Kingston, caused by the coronavirus crisis, then meeting new people is becoming increasingly difficult.
If you wanted to be involved with this man romantically again then you need to tell him of your deep feelings. However, no relationship will last the course when there is mistrust.
You were happy to vanish out of his life in 2018 and wait for 12 months before the pair of you became friends, which was his suggestion and not yours. This second vanishing act by you is understandable, but for you to state that you feel unwanted suggests that you were hoping to rekindle the relationship and follow the romantic path.
With the coronavirus pandemic there has been a sudden surge in social media usage, with such channels as Facebook utilised to try to meet new friends and/or to find a romantic partner. You state that he was befriending single ladies, but it is unclear whether he knew these women in some capacity or whether they were random strangers he picked out to boost his ego and hone his flirting skills.
This man in Florida has not developed a romantic relationship with this lady that enraged you so much, and he may be a genuine friend with her. You need to find out their history, including whether they were ever romantically involved.
Globally, there are a plethora of lonely people who are stuck inside their homes with social media platforms their only form of communication so it is not wrong of this man to spend time online with friends.
My advice to you is to consider exactly why you feel rejected when it was you who originally ended the relationship and stepped away from him for a year.
If you feel abandoned then is it because you believe that a long-term romance could have developed with him? Or is it because you feel lonely and not hearing from him? The socialising restrictions because of the coronavirus regulations has resulted in more online flirting than before the COVID-19 lockdowns.
You need to peel back the layers and be true to your heart to determine whether this man was love or lust originally?
If you believe that you two can revive the romance then you must be brutally honest and explain that you believe there is a future together. He needs to be informed that you have the desire to feel more special to him, and that will only work if he can give you the attention, care and trust that you deserve.
By laying your cards on the table offers this man the chance to decide what he wants too, as relationships are two-way streets. If he admits that he is also in love with you and is happy to commit to you then the next step is for you to plan a rosy future together. But you each need to eradicate all the existing barriers, so that it becomes smooth sailing on your journey of love.
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