He’s Gained Too Much Weight And No Longer Appeals To Me – Please Help Me Love Doctor

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).

Question:

My problem is that my boyfriend has put on tons of weight since March’s lockdown by overindulging with food and beer. I’m just not finding him attractive at around 250 lbs, when he was under 200 lbs earlier this year.

His nice clothes don’t fit any longer. Since he ballooned, all he wears is cheap shorts and T-shirts purchased from the market and online.

  

I feel bad and I don’t want to hurt his feelings when I tell him that he is ugly to me. I don’t want him touching me and I don’t want sex with him. I don’t know what to do.

Love Doctor Monti - Romance and love advice
Love Doctor Monti

H – Portmore

Love Doctor’s Answer

It seems that you are being extremely shallow towards your boyfriend. Referring to him as ugly for piling on the pounds seems harsh treatment for a man that you used to proclaim you loved.

You have three choices here. If you genuinely find him so repulsive that you cannot stand to even be touched by him there is only the exit door. You could take a break, and then in two months see if there is still chemistry between you. The other option is to explain, in a more subtle manner, your dilemma and offer to help him through what has clearly been a tricky time.

Dumping him for his looks because of overindulgence is cruel, but if you are shallow then that is going to happen and to be honest you are never going to be satisfied on a long-term basis because we all lose our looks as we age.

Yes you would hurt his feelings and knock his self-confidence should you actually tell him that he is ugly to you. It would be far more appropriate to explain that you no longer see a solid future together, and that maybe your honeymoon period is over. Leave him filled with positive vibes by mentioning that you will treasure the good times you experienced, but you realise that you both have to move on.

The break, no longer than two months, offers partners the opportunity to either look at other potential lovers as well as the chance to improve themselves overall. If someone’s head is turned while they are on a break that’s a clear tell-tale sign that your relationship is dead and buried. Blinkers should be on and no-one else considered to fill anyone’s shoes if you are genuinely in love.

  

It sounds as though your boyfriend has been eating and drinking to cope with the stress of the recent lockdown, he may even be depressed. If you consider yourself to be a caring and loving human being then you should speak nicely to him and point out that you’ve noticed his body mass has changed as well as your sense of style.

Ask what you can do to help him get back to how he was, and give him some much-needed confidence by stating that you appreciated his nice clothes that reflected his personality. If you can work as a team together through this blip, you are building a foundation for a fantastic future together.

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