She Dumped Me Because I Couldn’t ‘Satisfy’ Her – Help Me Love Doctor

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).

Question:

The woman I love dumped me because I didn’t satisfy her sexually, she then got pregnant with an ex-boyfriend. I’m feeling confused, hurt and useless.

I’m a 30-year-old guy and was a virgin until I met this woman online. She lives in Romania, is a 28-year-old mother of three, all with different fathers.

  

We seemed to fall in love very quickly and wanted to marry after we’d spent hours together on FaceTime. She told me she loved my face, my sense of humour and my muscular body.

Love Doctor MontiSix months into our relationship we both flew to London in England and we spent a long weekend sightseeing with nights together in a hotel, which felt so special. We had sex and it was the first time I’d had sex properly, although she had 12 years of bedroom experience.

The next morning she got up early to go sightseeing and left me asleep in bed. She seemed more interested in London than in me. She flew back on the Sunday and it turns out the very next night she had sex with an ex-boyfriend and fell pregnant.

Although we’re still in touch, she claims that she’s ashamed of how she treated me. But her excuse is that she didn’t orgasm with me, that she only pretended, while this ex-boyfriend knew how to make her climax.

It seems I’m not the first guy that she’s cheated on and she now admits she’s done the same to three other guys. She texts me sometimes saying she doesn’t love her ex-boyfriend and she wants to be with me, yet she stays with him because she is pregnant. I’m shocked but I still love her.

Why did she take my virginity if she had no intention of staying with me?

Joshua – Kingston

  

Love Doctor’s Answer

This woman you met sounds as though she is promiscuous, and with a fourth child on the way before she is aged 30 is not an ideal start for a long-distant relationship. It sounds like a fortunate escape from marriage to her.

You two are based almost 10,000 miles apart and have totally different cultures as well as values. It sounds as though she was looking for a man with money to provide for her and her offspring. You probably are not short of money by jetting off to London, and probably paid for her trip too.

Be aware that in the world there are both cheaters and players.

She is both, as she has admitted to you that monogamy is just not her thing. Cheaters interact sexually with multiple men under false pretences by claiming that they desire to be involved in a long-term, monogamous relationship. Having a trio of different fathers for her three children reiterates this.

Players want variety in their sex lives, and earn more respect than cheaters because they are honest about their need to be sexually satisfied by more than one partner. This was proved by this woman jumping into bed with her ex-boyfriend just 48 hours after she took your virginity.

You’ve been manipulated, and by her staying in touch with you she is clearly toying with your emotions. This woman will always be seeking multiple male sex partners, so even if you brought her to Jamaica to live you would find her sleeping around and end up being constantly hurt.

I would advise you to use this experience as a learning curve, be grateful that you’ve lost your virginity to an experienced woman that you had genuine heartfelt feelings for.

But for your own emotional well-being I suggest you immediately block her and delete her contact details, by doing so you can keep happy memories locked in rather than risk being hurt any further.

Time is the only healer, you will recover and when you least expect it will probably meet a lady who adds love and value to your life.

  

Here’s an adage to take onboard: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”


Question:

It feels like my partner has given up on himself and on me. He’s not the man I used to know and love. Although he tells me he loves me, nothing ever changes and our sex life has died. I just don’t know what to do.

When we got together he was fit and full of energy, but now he has type 2 diabetes he has piled on weight and doesn’t look after himself.

He does work hard for us all, myself and our two little girls, but he’s either at work or thinking about work. I’ve told him that I need him to be more involved in our family life and that I think he’s selfish for not helping out with the house and kids.

I feel like he’s set to self-destruct and although it’s wicked to say I almost hate him these days, I’m only aged 38 and he’s 43.

Adele – Portmore

Love Doctor’s Answer

Type 2 diabetes is a long-term medical condition with no current cure. Regular exercising, healthy eating and losing weight can help manage the disease. You really need to begin to ask him how you can help him reduce his feelings of isolation because diabetes sufferers often avoid social encounters, which accounts for him distancing himself from you and your children.

Furthermore, it sounds as though your partner could also be suffering from both anxiety and depression. To decrease his potential frustration he needs your emotional support as he will probably be suffering from mood swings. His personality changes may occur because of hyperglycemia or hypoglycemia.

The stress of living with diabetes often results in feelings of powerlessness when trying to control the condition, so it is common for sufferers to throw themselves into work as this offers both a sense of achievement and purpose. This is probably why he is so focused on work, as he wants to prove to you and himself his value and not appear to be a burden.

  

He is probably too exhausted from work to be helping around the house, so I would suggest that you discuss the possibility of getting a cleaner in to assist.

My immediate train of thought is for to you to change your attitude and start to show more empathy as he is probably not deliberately neglecting you, the children and the housework.

I suggest that you devote some time listening to him, so that he can share his concerns. Maybe arrange to have a dinner date away from the house twice a week, which should help strengthen your romantic relationship if he gets to voice his anguish in dealing with his diabetes.

He will probably be as frustrated as you about your lack of sexual activity. High blood sugar levels can lead to bladder and sexual problems, which can reduce enjoyment of sex. This is an area that you need to discuss away from the family home, because it is obviously having an impact on your relationship.

With respect to his overweight issues and growing as a couple, my suggestion is for you to arrange regular healthy activities such as going out on long walks, swimming and even cooking together. When you can try introducing more healthy ingredients to his diet.

Women have traditionally liked to change their partner into the man they desire. His illness has disappointed both you and him and that is causing an overall conflict to your relationship. Seize this opportunity to help alter and improve him with loving support and understanding, you’ll both be delighted by the positive results.

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