My Girl Left Me For A Celebrity She Has Never Met – Help Me Love Doctor
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I’m lost for words as my long-term girl has told me that we’re over as a couple, and it is because she has fallen for a minor celebrity singer on the island.
This isn’t a total shock as we’ve been more like brother and sister for most of our three years together. What is difficult to swallow is that she’s told me that she is leaving me and claims that she’s in love with a Jamaican singer that she has never met but she has seen on YouTube.
She says that she has been emailing him during the lockdown and just because she received a reply she’s convinced herself that she is in love with him even though they haven’t met. I think his management sent these three email replies and not him.
Part of her infatuation is that she’s convinced that she will be with him “one day” and she said that he “likes” her as he wrote back to her. I believe her imagination has run away with her and when I said that we had a massive argument, but now she won’t speak to me and blocked my cellphone.
I’m not heartbroken about our split, but I don’t want her going around telling everyone that she left me for this minor celebrity singer as my friends will never let me forget and they’ll tease me.
What can I do?
Robbie – St Ann
Love Doctor’s Answer
People falling for someone who has celebrity status is common, especially with teenagers. But these celebrities tend to portrayed by their management team as being wonderful, including replying to fans.
But their manufactured public persona is usually nothing like their true personalities, so she really doesn’t know this singer at all regardless of what she may have seen in the media.
Phenylethylamine (PEA), a natural alkaloid, is emitted by the body when people see someone that they like. This PEA speeds up the communication between their nerve cells to trigger the release of dopamine, which creates a feeling of total bliss that can be mistaken for love or desire.
This singer has become like a drug to your partner, and this celebrity crush is not healthy for any relationship – either now or in the future.
If she unblocks you then you should explain that she must get this singer out of her head and point out that he would never reject her for the simple reason that he doesn’t even know about her existence.
It sounds as though your partner is terrified of showing real feelings for a man that she actually knows, which is why your relationship has stuttered along and halted at the friends only stage. This celebrity crush has replaced your romantic relationship as deep down she considers this to be a safe partnership, despite not being real.
My advice is to either move on and forget about her living out her one-sided fantasy about this singer, but prepare some comebacks for when your friends rib you.
Alternatively, if you still love your partner then obviously you’ll help her to let go from this infatuation. Until she does this she won’t notice you. She has to be brought back to earth with a bump so that she can finally experience a fulfilling yet real relationship, either with you or someone else who isn’t under the media limelight.
Question:
My now ex-girlfriend lied on social media that we had split up because I was angry over a few guys liking a photo of her face, and I’ve since been slaughtered on these platforms.
She is a nurse and the photo I’m referring to showed her face was sore from wearing a protective face mask while treating coronavirus patients.
We were together for a year, but I could never come to terms with the constant male presence on her social media accounts. The type of photos she posted got attention because she was in low-cut tops or shirts that are practically unbuttoned.
She told me that her only response was letting these men know that she had a boyfriend. Now I can’t get over her slagging me off publicly, what should I do?
Dante – Ocho Rios
Love Doctor’s Answer
It sounds like you may have moderate paranoia by not trusting your now ex-girlfriend and admitting anger.
You are feeling victimised and now that the social media trolls have appeared you have an overwhelming feeling that others are out to get you rather than looking at the whole picture.
It appears that you had mistrust issues with her from the start and have always been jealous. Insecurity is the most common form of jealously, and you are feeling hard done possibly because you possess an impoverished ego by apportioning blame on your former partner.
You got jealous of these photos, despite being assured that she was informing online men that she was romantically involved with you, which showed you held onto a strong belief that she was somehow cheating.
Your low self-esteem in a relationship equates to your overall lack of confidence to continue the relationship. This was not because of her photos being slightly suggestive and the attention she was receiving, but because deep down you do not feel valuable enough to keep her interested in you on a long-term basis.
By feeling so deeply insecure and believing that with this recent social media episode that people are trying to sabotage you. This has resulted in you assigning blame on your ex-girlfriend from the very start and even now that you have broken up.
My advice is to consider your romantic history and look at where the rejection has been in the past. You need to be clear about your boundaries, what you can and cannot put up with in the future. Then start looking inwards to accept accountability for your own flaws or mistakes. Until you can start trusting others and having love for yourself your relationships are doomed, and will only be short-term.
Question:
Since the lockdown and then the Sahara spread I’ve been stuck indoors, but I’ve noticed a very curvy neighbour in recent weeks from afar.
I want to ask her out for a drink sometime, but I really don’t know how to approach her to make conversation.
Have you got any tips to start conversation?
Larry – Clarendon
Love Doctor’s Answer
For the majority of single ladies, being hit on appropriately in a friendly manner is flattering. If you are armed with some chat up lines that aren’t cringeworthy and can be confidently reeled off then try just one of these.
You could instil humour, such as “Sorry to disturb you. My name’s Earl from across the street. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?” or “I’m Earl and live across the road from you. My friends bet me that I wouldn’t be able to start a conversation with the hottest person in the street. Do you fancy buying some drinks one evening with their money?”
Maybe be a bit more direct and less cheesy with something like “Sorry but you made me forget my chat up line because you’re so beautiful looking, my name’s Earl from across the street” or “I honestly don’t know who would be more excited about us going on a date, me or my mother. I’m Earl from across the street and would love to get you know you more.”
Question:
The lockdown has been rubbish for me as I lost my job and my girlfriend’s decided to part because of this.
I got made redundant because of this lockdown and the current financial climate in Jamaica, but to add insult to injury my girlfriend’s been chatting online to men. I discovered this on my laptop history, which shows she had been on dating sites since last month looking for my replacement.
When I quizzed her she screamed “With no job we have no future and I need a man to take care of me!” She has returned to her mother’s home and blocked my cellphone.
We were stuck under the same roof since the start of lockdown in March, and because I wasn’t happy as I was looking for a new job we had no sex. Do you think that no sex drove her away or no job? I’m confused, please advise me.
Darren – Westmoreland
Love Doctor’s Answer
Your relationship has taken a nosedive and by being blocked on your cellphone your former girlfriend is making it clear that you are over as a couple.
The fact that you were unable to be intimate with her during the lockdown, which you blame on being unhappy following your job loss, would have been a factor for the split. Ladies need to feel loved and cared for, it is brilliant if you can offer attention and devotion but lovemaking is about as fulfilling each other.
Many romantic relationships fail because the initial attraction that the couple had fades over time, and when the physical aspect vanishes between a couple that leaves at least one of them feeling rejected.
Your partner was probably looking to find someone else online in order to feel wanted. It may have been simple flirting because you were too busy focused on finding a new job, rather than offering her the attention she craved. Her outburst was probably due to frustration, so I would take that with a pinch of salt.
Now she has departed to her mother’s this is only because she didn’t feel as connected with you as she had hoped, although this may be a temporary measure as you many people don’t appreciate what they had until they have lost it.
My advice is wait patiently for her to make contact with you, and if that happens ensure that you find quality time to spend on making your relationship work. Alternatively, move on with your life and hopefully find a new job, which will increase your self esteem and make you feel happier – which will make you more attractive to single ladies. Life is a learning curve, you need to treat this experience as a lesson learnt the hard way.
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