Dear Love Doctor: How Can I Get My Mojo Back And Meet Ladies?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I used to find time for my single friends during lockdown and we used to impress the ladies in the dance-halls at weekends, but our camaraderie has gone and we’re not planning our party ways for the foreseeable future.
My mojo has gone and when I told by best friend his advice was to watch adult movies, but that’s not my scene. How can I get my mojo back and meet ladies?
Delroy – Portmore
Love Doctor’s Answer
Getting the magic of your mojo back again is all down to motivation. In the current climate and global uncertainty many people will have lost their enthusiasm for life whether it is down to boredom, exhaustion, feeling sorry for yourself, stress or being either overwhelmed or underwhelmed.
You need to take the route to getting your groove back, but are right to avoid going down the slippery slope of using adult movies to improve your emotional well-being. Although your pal is zoning out and sitting around, you can do something that is more inspirational and positive like learning a language or magic tricks to impress ladies when you return to the dance-halls. Maybe upgrade your appearance to make you feel more attractive and happier, which will improve your self confidence for when you get back on the dance floors.
Obviously dance-halls are not going to be the same as before the lockdown in March, and it sounds that you require social contact. Very few things in life are worth replacing social contact with friends and family, so make the effort to have conversations with those close to you.
On top of that my advice is to reminisce with those friends that you used to visit dance-halls with when you all had fun. Talking about those memorable evenings with these pals and mentally reliving happier times should jolt you to return to your enjoyable party ways.
In the meantime concentrate on getting physically fit by undertaking activities such as a home exercise routine or learning some new dance moves that you could really enjoy, as not going to dance-halls has left a physical void.
If you have truly lost your mojo then ensure that your are avoiding alcohol as well as fatty and sugary foods. It’s time to treat your body with kindness and concentrate of plenty of fruit, lean meat and vegetables for a new and improved you.
Question:
I’ve been stuck in Italy over lockdown and will soon return to Jamaica, but I’m worried that I won’t find the local men on the island hot any more.
Being a single lady in Italy for my temporary work contract was amazing because Europe is so different to the Caribbean. I’m flying back to the island next month and cannot wait to be reunited with friends and family.
I seem to have a new attitude towards romance, so I’m ready to find true love. I’m really worried that the Jamaican men won’t be the same fun as these suave Italians, have you got any advice for me?
Charmaine – St Mary
Love Doctor’s Answer
Many men, whether they are Jamaican or Italian or whatever, will constantly admire themselves in the mirror so there is not that much difference in reality.
It sounds as though you had your head turned while away on business in Italy, but are you seeking a trophy boyfriend rather than a potential husband? People look for different traits in a potential partner, and in your case it is about appearance and the Italian passion that lies deep within their Latin temperament.
You are going to be extremely limited about meeting potential suitors back on the island following the social distancing because of the on-going coronavirus pandemic. On top of that the social media channels and dating apps aren’t the most reliable at the moment as individuals tend not to be very loyal on these.
My advice is that although Italian passion is what you may be seeking, you need to be realistic. You can only look in certain ponds for your prince and may have to kiss a lot of frogs first.
There are numerous obvious similarities between Jamaican men and Italian men, for example they generally like to dress sharply, can be extremely direct when it comes to flirting and often aim to try to impress ladies with more than a bit of bling.
As you know Jamaican ladies are not exactly shy and by letting men know exactly what they’re thinking means the islanders can appear to be overly aggressive when it comes to romance compared to Europeans.
With the current uncertainly about social distancing this is an opportunity for you to consider expanding your social circle rather than simply throw yourself into a relationship. Remember that when singletons are looking for a mate there is an almost invisible whiff of desperation that surrounds us, and many single men will be put off by that unless they are also desperate.
Try to find a romance organically, start to love yourself first, then you’ll be giving off the right vibes that’ll soon have men desperate to make the first move to speak to you instead of you doing all the hard work.
The Sovereign Centre, one of the larger malls in Kingston, tends to be choc-a-bloc of incredibly friendly and jolly people. Work out some seemingly innocent chat-up lines that you are happy to initiate a conversation with a stranger that appears attractive.
In the supermarket it’s very different, yet you can easily make conversation by performing a variety of tricks when a potential suitor appears (you should check he doesn’t have a wedding ring on though). These best tricks include: hanging around the frozen meals and trying to engage him in conversation by asking his advice about the meals for one; ensuring that you accidentally bump into his trolley then apologising by touching him on the arm or by handing him a compliment about his taste in food/drink in his trolley; waiting by a shelf where something is high, push the product you want just out of reach then behave like a damsel in distress by asking a man you like the look of to get it down for you.
Away from the shops/supermarkets then a little daggering and some dutty whining could soon be back on your menu in the capital city’s nightlife, but ensure you have the energy to grind to impress when they reopen. In New Kingston the Fiction Club is probably the best bet, although pricey, where you’ll fit in after your Italian adventure as the ladies seem proud and sexy.
I’ve not been out to the dancehall clubs recently, but recalling the places where everyone had fun and it was safe such as Club Privilege and The Deck. At these clubs you have to stand out from the others, and the best way to attract a potential mate is to not drink too much and deliberately bump into him at the bar then apologise. Maintain eye contact, offer to buy him a replacement drink and then introduce yourself.
Apart from shops/supermarkets and dancehall clubs you can organically meet potential suitors at the beach, a hotel swimming pool (best at the weekends) or at a sports venue such as a swimming arena or tennis club.
Another way to meet a man that may be ideal for you is to ask any friends if they know anyone who is your sort. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how helpful and receptive some galpals may be to play Cupid.
At the end of the day both Jamaican and Italian men proclaim to be Casanovas, so for those who are born hunters then their natural instincts will come into force when they meet a potential partner.
Question:
I believe if I could wear sexy lingerie and stockings I’d be able to perform better in bed, but I can’t pluck up the courage to tell my wife of my desire to dress up.
I am 41 and I’ve been cross-dressing since I was 14 when I loved trying on my mother’s dresses when she was at work. I thought it was just a phase, but the urge has gotten stronger over the years.
It is now affecting my sex drive because I have trouble getting aroused. My wife was against the idea of cross-dressing when I raised it with her before, but I now wonder if we can work out a compromise.
Marvin – Port Antonio
Love Doctor’s Answer
Most people keep secrets from their partner, often down to their fear of judgement from the person that they love, and you are hiding from your wife with respect to your cross-dressing.
It seems that can you can only get turned on if you are performing in women’s clothes and your anxiety about your wife’s disapproval has overflowed into your sex life.
From her point of view, it would be like making love with a female rather than the man that she thought she married. You can understand her concern. She wants you to desire her feminine body rather than yours as she may feel undesirable and unattractive.
My advice is that you need to speak to her about your secret and how you want to get your sexual thrills. Be aware that although she may be in shock and initially comfort you, this could jeopardise your romantic relationship if she doesn’t accept it and is a gamble for your future marriage.
You should approach the subject as stating that it’s a sexual fetish that you wish to both experiment with to spice up your intimacy. If your sex life has taken such a nosedive then there is a chance that she might entertain the idea.
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