Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Due to being at home locked in together, my child’s mother and I have been spending a lot of time together.
We’ve had a few heart-to-heart conversations during this period. One particular conversation keeps nagging me though. She told me that my penis is way too small for her and that she was disappointed the first time she saw it.
We had a laugh and I played it off in the moment, but deep inside I felt very ashamed. I don’t know why she never said anything before.
No man likes to hear that, and now I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know if I should bring it up again.
Is there something that I can do to help myself with this problem?
James – Jamaica
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Your self-esteem has taken a battering after your partner revealed that she was dissatisfied with your manhood. The size of your instrument is a key element to any man’s self image, but in this day and age you are not powerless to do something about this.
Being overweight can cause your penis to appear smaller than it actually is. Smoking too much, including weed has also been linked to weaker erections. So if either of these apply do something about your food and smoking intake immediately. But as you were never aware that your ‘package’ was less than average then it doesn’t mean that you are actually suffering from Small Penis Syndrome (SPS).
According to global fertility studies, men with a small penis (under five inches) are less likely to father a child, so you may not be in that category. You may just find that you are less well-endowed than her previous partner(s) or that she has an exceptionally large vagina. It seems strange that you hadn’t noticed that you did not seem sexually compatible?
You really don’t need to ask your partner any more about this matter as she has
dropped this bombshell on you, so should explore an enlargement procedure if you believe this is right for you. Seeing an expert for a consultation will put your mind at rest as well as stop you feeling underwhelmed and full of despair.
At the end of the day it is not the size that matters, it is what you can do with it as good things can come in small ‘packages’.
I’m in lockdown with my newly found partner of six months and, due to the restrictions of isolation, feel that we are on top of each other and slipping into a marriage-like, perfunctory relationship with the spice ‘n’ sparkle slipping away.
Any tips on how to restore the magic we had only a couple of months ago?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
So far you’ve experienced what is known as the honeymoon stage of the relationship over such a short period of time, when every aspect was full of excitement.
However, with the enforced lockdown you two appear to have become too close for comfort and the tingle within your heart at the anticipation of seeing each other has banished over time.
If you feel that this current scenario of a relationship is not for you then you are best to explain this to your lady. She may feel the same and find it stifling to be locked up with you so swiftly into the romance, but on the other hand she may not have noticed the sparkle has started to wane. No doubt she will respect that you have voiced concerns, be aware that she is most likely to wish to rescue your partnership.
Yet it does depend what this sparkle was in the first place, and if it was purely lust then that is not a good foundation to build a solid relationship.
To rekindle your romance means you have to peel back the layers to see what was the original attraction, but if it was based on a physical relationship then by pulling off these layers may be like an onion and you could find that it stinks.
Have a plan ready. Are you wishing to make this long-term or has this lockdown shown you a glimpse of the future that you really don’t fancy? The final destination of this partnership is in your hands so be courageous and take the necessary steps.
I need help understanding why I’m scared to enter a relationship and why does nobody want me?
I don’t understand, and now I’m scared even to go on dates or enter a relationship. Is there something wrong with me?
Natalie, Brighton, St. Elizabeth
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Being scared to enter a relationship is one aspect that has many layers which tend to include either failure from your past, fear of rejection, social life altering worries and/or trust issues. Only you know deep down which, if any, apply to you.
It is not that nobody wants you. Again there are many aspects why you are convinced of this, which is likely to include either your attitude, lack of confidence, looks, neediness, self-pity or feeling undeserving of a relationship.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, but first you need to understand what is driving you towards wanting a relationship. Once you love yourself then it will be smooth sailing and others will learn to love you. To get on that initial path you need to understand and appreciate exactly who you are, what you desire from a relationship and to realise your self-worth.
Ask your friends and family what sort of man that they would expect you to be with and get them to explain why. If you suddenly find out that you are the one that puts men off because, for example, you crack too many jokes or are overpowering in your dress sense, then at least you know you need to alter your dating game plan accordingly. And consider new venues for meeting men as these current ones have obviously failed.
Decide whether you wish to start dating to have fun, because you want to start a family or whether it is simply peer pressure. You must know your final destination before you can start to plan a journey, and be aware that yours will most likely be a thrilling adventure of epic roller-coaster proportions with highs and lows.
I hate this lockdown because I attract the men with my dance moves without fail in Kingston on Fridays and Saturdays.
No bumping and no grinding for weeks means I’ve lost my mojo and gone off men.
I’m a big fitness fanatic, but I’ve even lost my enthusiasm for personal fitness.
I’ve started adding some Appleton rum to my usual tipple of fruit juice at night.
What’s the remedy? Without my trademark dance moves to meet hotties I feel empty.
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Dancing brightened up your life and without your twice weekly visits to dancehalls to express yourself you have a void, caused by this lockdown.
It seems you are an attractive looking and confident lady who is self sufficient. The regular dancing made you comfortable and it was the admiration from men that made you happy rather than the men themselves.
You don’t need a partner to feel happy, but maybe because of the lockdown there are other problems – such as family, friends or work – that has resulted in you being unable to think about a potential relationship and losing your interest in men.
You may feel as though you are on a downward spiral as you are fed up with keeping fit, and adding rum to fruit juice each evening is being used to help you sleep and stop worrying.
It is because you are not seeing people that you are no longer have that adrenaline rush, and you may be suffering from some form of anxiety.
To combat this I would suggest that you join an online dance or fitness class where you will be able to have a regular fitness regime and make new friends.
It is also worth seek a new hobby to focus on, whether it is learning a language or skill – there are apps for those who are people like you who are disciplined and independent.
I took a lady on holiday to Mexico from LA, where I work, for Valentine’s Day and we had a passionate vacation.
When we got back I tried calling and messaging her, but she blanks me. I’ve checked that she is okay as we’re Facebook friends, she’s alive and there’s no new man in her life on there.
Please tell me what’s going on and what I should do?
Jevon – Portmore & Los Angeles
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Although it turned into a passionate vacation, maybe she wanted a romantic trip instead and that is why she has given herself space.
It is obviously hurtful and upsetting that she is ignoring you, especially as you haven’t been able to communicate what the problem – if any – actually is.
You are feeling a state of both anger and insecurity, with chemicals beginning to flood your amygdala – that part of your brain which is responsible for the release of adrenaline.
It’s very doubtful that she’s too busy to contact you, but what were your previous communication channels like before the vacation? Yet with lockdown you may discover that she is looking after an unwell relative or friend.
Nevertheless, she should be showing you more respect. If she cannot do that after a trip that you took her on then is she really worth pursuing?
On the one hand she may be insecure, that she didn’t live up to your expectations and that you may get bored of her. In which case you need to find a way of making contact, such as writing a romantic poem and sending some red roses to her home or work.
The worse case scenario is that she may no longer respect you following the trip and lost her initial attraction for you. Her actions are meant to do the talking, and she wants you to live your own separate lives as maybe she believes that you aren’t compatible.
As a man you are thinking that you need to find an immediate solution, but she is of the fairer sex and her method is always going to be the let’s wait and see approach. Men are natural hunters, whereas females have the in-built instinct to wait for the hunter to return. Evolution has proved that ladies are the ones who historically stay at home to look after the home and family.
So your option is to either go for a romantic gesture, like the poem about your vacation and some flowers, or sit and wait for her to be ready to make contact with you.
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