If You’re Married, You’re Married – No Buts!

But, is a powerful word, it often changes the outcome of a conversation or statement. However, there are times when the word ‘but’ makes no difference to me.

Sometime last year, I met a gentleman who was sent by his company to my house to do some work. In order to make the house accessible to him, the company gave him my number so he could inform me prior to his coming. On one occasion, after he was finished working we talked for a couple minutes.

Obviously interested…, from time to time he would send me text messages – just to say hi etc. Being the busy person I am, sometimes days will pass before I respond or until he sends another message to point out the previous one.

Repeatedly he offered to invite me out to have drinks with him and one evening when he called me, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to ask him some questions – after all, it is important to know something about the person who intends to take you out. I consider myself a straight-forward person, so I asked him if he was married, among other questions.


Perhaps the questions were too much for him, he said he would call me back and when he did, he said he was married, but… (Here goes the damn word ‘but’ again). He continued, “I’m married… but I’m not happy”.

via jude3project.com
via jude3project.com

This is one such time when ‘But’ is irrelevant. It changes nothing, the gentleman is married – no buts!

So I said to him, if you’re not happy, why not get a divorce, (It should be noted that I was not encouraging the man to get a divorce – I simply wanted to find out how if this was a mere excuse) to which he replied, “It’s not as easy as that, it’s complicated”.

Now, you tell me, which is more complicated? To be in an ‘unhappy’ marriage, or to be in an ‘unhappy’ marriage with a woman on the side? There is a saying which I will never forget, ‘two is a company, and three is a crowd’. Isn’t it easier to manage a company than a crowd?

I respect all unions, whether married or common-law and although I would not go on a date with any man that is ‘spoken for’, I can’t help but wonder if his wife knows that he is ‘unhappy’. Also, since he is unhappy as he says he is, would it be okay if we sought his wife’s permission to have a drink with him? What do you think, should I ask her? Just kidding. Seriously though, I am not saying that this man is lying and while it makes no difference to me if he is happy or not, I am mindful that there are persons who will say anything about their relationship or even their partner just to have a fling with someone else. If walls could talk, you would be surprised to learn the stark contrast.

When I was growing up, getting involved with a married man or woman seemed like one of the worst sin someone could commit. There was an old saying which made reference to the back of man’s shirt being torn up or something of that sort. I can also remember how my mother would stress the importance of respecting people’s relationships.

Today, its common assault, there are many people who glorify ‘Joe’ and often aspire to be like him – the bunna man is a big deal. I often hear of women who do not want any man for themselves, they can’t be bothered with cooking and cleaning, being the ‘Matey’ seems more glamorous. While I am in no position to condemn anyone about their preferred lifestyle – to each his own. Woe be unto you if the shoe should go on the other foot.

There is absolutely no good reason to interfere with another person’s relationship, whether they are married or not. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

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Patrice Dawkins

Patrice Dawkins is a Freelancer, Creative Writer & Blogger. She is the founder of Exercising My Write, a blog which showcases her passion for writing. Writings which seek to inspire, educate, entertain and captivate people throughout the world.