Should I Brush Aside Being Snubbed?
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Question:
I was surprisingly contacted by two ex-partners just before Valentine’s Day. Things were heating up nicely between us for a fortnight, and we discussed meeting up after all these years.
Out of the blue they both gave me the cold shoulder, without any form of explanation.
Both relationships lasted years. These fell apart when I had a brief and insignificant illness, because each girlfriend refused to play nurse for only a couple of weeks.
I’ve respectfully not reached out to these former girlfriends, who I’ve not heard from since the end of February, but I’m perplexed. Should I steer clear and disregard them, or make the effort to communicate?
D, Westmoreland
Love Doctor’s Answer:
The festive season and Valentine’s Day are periods of the year when the media sugarcoats love and happiness, which probably triggered your former crushes to contact some of their exes.
You were obviously on their shortlist, yet you have since been treated with contempt by this pair of ladies who have each performed a disappearing act for a reason. It appears that they had other romantic options and took them.
Although it is difficult to get your head around someone else’s bad behaviour, you mention that this is not the first time that they have treated you with indifference.
Maybe your self-esteem was damaged the first time by these ladies, but perhaps it prepared you for their latest dent to your dignity.
Being so dismissive of you when you were suffering from a health issue only shows that both women were not serious about being long-term material. You are fortunate to escape their clutches as they sound hard-hearted.
It appears that when you were dating that they each only wanted what was good for them, not what was good for you as a couple.
Showing care, consideration and kindness to a partner in their time of need is a basic commodity that you should expect, especially as you state you dated each lady for a number of years.
Had roles been reversed, then surely you would not have been dismissive and vanished.
The fact that they both got in touch with you, despite them previously instigating the sad ending of your romantic relationships, shows that they must have each held you in high esteem.
As you were willing to give them a second chance, their bad behaviour since means that they are really not worth bothering with again unless you truly believe that one of them is your true soul mate.
However, I urge you to do some deep thinking because they both sound more like the companionship of a kindred spirit than a soul mate. What you require is someone who will enhance your life, and vice versa, not a girlfriend who will bail out when things get tough.
Good character does not fade. As good looks do wane over time, many romances hit a stumbling block when the relationship has not been based on each other’s personality and characteristics.
It sounds like you’ve been off the market for a while, so understandably had your head turned by the attention from this pair of exes. You did the right thing by engaging with them, rather than giving them the brush off.
However, I urge you to fully comprehend that both ladies have now twice shown a total of respect towards you. Mutual trust and respect are essential elements required for a loving and meaningful relationship to evolve and last the course.
They have both been cold-hearted yet again, with their indifferent attitude making them look merciless. I suggest that you give them a wide berth and be grateful that you swerved getting engaged or married to either of them.
They are not worth you making an effort again. Ensure that you don’t fall into the trap of believing the expression “third time lucky”, in a desperate bid to try and justify a rendezvous to see if there’s still some chemistry between you.
Instead you should concentrate on learning from your mistake, as you clearly dated two icy ladies who have been callous and dropped you like a rock.
I urge you to compile a list of five attributes that you are seeking from your next romantic partner, but dismissing looks on your list.
Ask friends and family for some pointers because you should give yourself a slight makeover, which will offer you the feelgood factor and results in reflecting the very best version of you for when you fancy dating again.
I advise you to bide your time until you are feeling comfortable and emotionally ready, especially following the recent rudeness from this pair of exes.
Although their initial communication would have boosted your confidence for a short while, both ladies burst your bubble for a second time.
Dust yourself down and I suggest that you scrutinise my guide on how to meet single women, in order to be all set for the thrilling journey of your next romantic relationship with renewed confidence.
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