How Do I Get The Magic Back Between Us?
If you fancy sending your romantic relationship dilemma to former Kingston resident Love Doctor Monti, author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, submit your question via our form.
Alternatively send a direct email to [email protected] or via WhatsApp to +385 97 655 8066.
Question:
I surprisingly heard from an ex-girlfriend who wanted to meet for drinks on Christmas Eve. I jumped at the opportunity as we split up almost three years ago, and I’ve not dated since because she was the only one for me.
However, I didn’t feel the same attraction towards her throughout the two hours of our catch up. We exchanged small Christmas gifts, both choosing a scent, and parted without making solid arrangements to see each other again.
She seems keen to meet up and has been messaged me like crazy, but I’ve been vague about seeing her.
I love this woman, but I just don’t have the same feelings for some reason. Can I get things back on track with her?
L, Manchester
Love Doctor’s Answer:
You are fortunate to hear from an ex-girlfriend and receive a Christmas present, for a second shot. It sounds like she realises what she is missing out on following your fairly lengthy time apart.
Women tend to be in control of romantic relationships, with the majority of men happy to allow their partner to constantly call the shots. This sounds like the case between you two.
Although you have this lady firmly in your heart and mind, the reality of meeting face-to-face after a few years means that her physical looks will have altered. This could be for the best, or not.
As men are generally vision creatures, which was superbly portrayed by the hit Hollywood movie Shallow Hal, then you are simply following your natural instinct and judging your former squeeze on her looks.
I strongly believe that good looks fade, but good character never will. Romantic relationships that are solely built on looks and a physical passion tend to fail after a short while.
Your best bet is to compile two list of five attributes that you find attractive about your ex-girlfriend. One list should be about her good looks, and the other should be about her good character.
Once these have been compiled, you will soon discover whether you value this lady more about her looks than her character. If her smouldering looks are more important to you then it is clearly time to move on from holding a torch for her.
You have been single because of your love for this lady, but you were still wearing the rose-tinted glasses and put her on a pedestal. Reality bites when you experienced an unexpected rendezvous, as she didn’t live up to your high expectations.
If you believe her character is more important than her looks, then you should take the bull by the horns by meeting up again. You must have a plan in place to be able to get the sparks flying again for you.
FOCUS ON THE FUTURE
You both need to focus on the future, a traditional Jamaican adage, and can kick this off by not delaying your next rendezvous.
Your two lists will determine whether your next date is for closure, if looks are more important than character to you, or to suggest a romantic getaway to build up the chemistry between you.
I urge you to think about the best vacations that you have experienced together, and offer to repeat one of these for four or five nights. Be a gentleman and pay for her, no woman likes a mean man.
Try to go on an all inclusive vacation in Jamaica, there’s plenty of choice, because then you can experience time together without having to look for a suitable bar, entertainment and restaurant as these are constantly available to you.
An all inclusive concept is relaxing and can be romantic. By spending time together 24/7 for a while should help build up your rapport. The physical attraction should naturally develop when you are in close proximity.
THE PAST HAS GONE
However, as the past has gone there’s no need to constantly talk about what you once had.
Try to find out what has been happening to her during the time you’ve been apart, as well as fish to find out about her aspirations and dreams.
Should you be able to align your goals and find mutual interests, then you can start to get your romance back.
As you haven’t mentioned why you split up yet state that she has been in your heart despite the break-up, I firmly believe that she ended the romance.
You need to learn why she orchestrated the end last time. It’s essential, if you want to build a long-lasting and meaningful relationship together, to focus on the future.
Mutual commitment, respect and trust are vital ingredients to move forward as loving couple. You’ll also need good communication, which is a bigger cause of relationships breaking down than one partner being unfaithful.
SIZZLE WITH CITRUS
For your vacation ensure that you wear a citrus aftershave, maybe that’s what she picked out for your Christmas present. Citrus will awaken her sexual senses.
I also urge you to purchase a citrus-scented candle to take on this potential vacation, ideally grapefruit infused because that aroma will drive her wild.
Once you spend good quality time together, you should be able to overlook the fact that maybe her good looks are now not quite the same as you envisaged from your previous dating experience.
Instead, you will have the opportunity to value her overall as an incredible person. By taking a vacation, you can kickstart loving each other affectionately, romantically and sexually.
Remember to share this article on Facebook and other Social Media Platforms. To submit your own articles or to advertise with us please send us an EMAIL at: [email protected]