Can Going From A Sizzler To Ordinary Work?
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Question:
Life was great this time last year. I was dating a very sexy woman with drop-dead looks on a part-time basis, who wanted bedroom fun every time we met. She got bored of pure lust and dumped me after 11 months. I met someone new three weeks later, who is very kind but is a bit of a plain Jane.
She’s been my rock after my break-up, and she’s very keen for us to be a full-on couple. In the bedroom I realised that I’m just not sexually attracted to this new woman.
Is there a way to become more involved with this woman so that we can make a go of it?
C, Sandy Bay
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Not everyone simply replaces their previous love interest with a similar person, whether in terms of character or looks.
Although you experienced virtually a whole year of fun ‘n’ frolics with your last lady, you must have realised that it was not going to be sustainable on a long-basis.
Boredom through the same activities, in your scenario it was a delicate dance between the sheets, can lead to couples deciding to go their separate ways.
Spice is the variety of life, and is an essential ingredient to be sprinkled into a loving relationship if it is going to thrive.
You had probably reached the end of your honeymoon period with this lady, and once the flaws were all too apparent she slipped out of your life.
LIST LOOKS
Now that you’ve switched partners, you are best to work out what initially attracted you to the latest love interest as you are experiencing problems in the bedroom. Compile a list of five things that you like about the way she looks, not inanimate objects like her clothes.
You have stated that your latest girlfriend’s looks are ordinary, but that may only be in comparison with your enthusiasm for your previous partner.
As you’ve gone from a relationship built solely on lust, it appears that you were expecting the same sort of bedroom fun.
Romance relationships need to be built-up gradually if they are going to succeed. You should start to love each other affectionately before it naturally moves up a notch to romantic love, and then reaches the stage of loving each other sexually.
LUST WON
Your previous partner dictated the pace by the sounds of things, bypassing affection and romantic love to send you straight to the bedroom. You were guided by her good looks to satisfy her thirst for lust.
Once she disappeared you have seemingly latched onto anyone that would become involved with you, almost like someone taking in a stray dog.
Maybe she is not the one, and this rebound relationship has been just a stepping stone for you. If this is the case, you need to be honest and direct with her. She deserves to be with someone worthy of her love and devotion, not a partner whose heart is not in the relationship.
Although you’ve opted for someone who is caring and kind, there are doubts for you because of such a downgrade in terms of her physical appearance.
LOOKS FADE
Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder, with people able to be beautiful on both the inside and outside. At the end of the day, good looks fade but character will not.
If her kindness and overall character are the reason you want to be this latest flame, then you could always fall more in love with her over time.
However, if you want to suddenly be sexually attracted to her then you have to start showing some romantic inclination to build towards bedroom fun.
Deep down you know that you have got an upgrade with your new lady because eventually you can potentially experience beautiful lovemaking. This is far more satisfying than the pure lust you had with your previous partner.
FRIEND ZONE
Yet you’ve got to swiftly start the ball rolling to move on from loving each other affectionately. Otherwise you’ll soon get stuck in the friend zone, or she’ll be pushing you so much for a romantic relationship that you are likely to panic and disappear.
Commitment on a short-term basis is that decision that you spend time together and tell one another that you love each other. By showing some romantic gestures and long-term commitment plans you can kickstart this relationship to become something fulfilling for you both.
The easiest way to be romantic is by growing with her, constantly making time for her to show that you truly care. No doubt she will reciprocate, and you’ll start to feel more loved.
Intimacy is urgently required for you two. This bonding, by feelings of closeness and connection, will naturally follow if you can inject some romantic gestures to ignite the spark in this partnership.
ROMANTIC TIPS
- Experience stargazing with her favourite drink and snacks.
- Give her a hug from behind when she least expects it.
- Go for a long walk along the seafront and hold hands.
- Improve your togetherness by sitting next to each other at a café or restaurant.
- Make sure she knows you are in her thoughts with loving messages every morning and night.
- Plan a night of board games for just the two of you.
- Scribble down short love notes and leave them in easy to find places.
- Send her a song that has significance.
- Surprise her by preparing a meal.
- Turn up with a bottle of one of her favourite bottles of alcohol for no reason.
The so-called triangular theory of love is based on commitment, intimacy and passion. Meaningful romantic relationships should constantly have these key elements to prove successful.
Armed with all of this information, it is now up to you to determine whether you can unearth some passion for this lady or are simply wasting her time and yours.
Being truly passionate in a loving partnership is all about physical attraction, romantic gestures and sexual consummation.
If you have the desire and will to move forward with this kind lady, plus can stop comparing her with your ex-girlfriend, then you have the potential to make this a long lasting and meaningful romantic relationship.
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