Can I Get My Champagne And Strawberry Guy Back?
If you fancy sending your romantic relationship dilemma to former Kingston resident Love Doctor Monti, author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, kindly submit your question via our form or send a direct email to [email protected].
Question:
I ended a pretty perfect relationship when I panicked about the future last November. I overreacted because he really did fulfil all of my dreams.
My guy was caring and loving, with our bedroom fun amazing. I learned so much, with my favourite being our champagne and strawberry antics.
How do I make a U-turn because we are both single, but we’ve not spoken to each other this year?
S, Clarendon
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Now that you’ve had time to think about a romantic relationship that you refer to as “pretty perfect”, it’s time for you to reach out and let your former beau know how you feel deep down.
You mention that you are both single, which is a great starting block to potentially rekindle everything. It may be through choice that neither of you has moved onto another partner since your split, or it could be a case that you are both heartbroken.
It takes time for the heart to heal following a break-up, especially if the couple had a solid connection. This can take up to a maximum of three years to repair, although it tends to be a matter of months. It’s fantastic news that neither of you entered a rebound relationship.
GENTLE APPROACH
Despite your sudden change of heart about the two of you, it is best to take a gentle approach towards reaching out to your ex-boyfriend. He could still be tormented by you dumping him and emotionally unavailable, even to you that he obviously loved and possibly still does.
My advice is to send a simple message, following the 2-1 psychology trick. This means that you butter him up with two positive sentences about him, before conveying the main message in a short sentence. Also just use the first letter of your name and a lowercase kiss at the end of each message.
In your case I suggest in your opening message that you write that you are thinking about him, are wondering how he is and then state that it would be terrific to meet up soon.
If he takes the bait about a rendezvous, you should continue to stick to the 2-1 psychology trick for messages and keep these down to three sentences.
When you believe that he feels comfortable enough to meet then ensure that you ask him out, rather than wait for your former love interest to suggest a date. He is most likely facing the fear factor of asking you out, having been spurned by you.
He was rejected when you walked out of his life, and once more as there’s been no communication between you two this year. Try to appreciate that he’s likely to have some trepidation about opening up a conversation, and possibly meeting up, so do use a soft approach.
OFFER CHOICES
Once you have started to get the ball rolling, and there’s some mutual trust in your communication, you should suggest two alternatives for a rendezvous. Pose a weekend rendezvous and a midweek evening option, rather than be gunned down by offering the potential for him to send a yes/no response to your question about meeting up.
Avoid going to somewhere you’ve been before as a couple, as it will have memories. Ideally mention two new places, by writing something along the lines that you’ve heard that certain bars/dancehalls/restaurants are meant to be really good and that maybe you could try one or two of these out. Alternatively, you can mention a couple of places that you two never visited.
If you can meet face-to-face then you will both be able to tell whether the connection between you remains.
As the break-up was not that long ago, and you both remain single, I strongly suspect that you should easily be able to rekindle the romance. As long as you rebuild the mutual respect and trust, which would have dented by you dumping him.
TRUE SOULMATE
When you manage to sit in front of him, ensure that you explain why you walked away so that he knows the reasons. If he is your soulmate then he will show empathy and also shoulder some responsibility for the break-up, which means that you can begin to rebuild your romantic relationship.
You need to repair his damaged self-esteem if you want to grow together, so gradually tell him about what you love about his character rather than his looks. If you can allow your relationship to start to rebloom, building the foundations for your exciting romantic future.
I would urge you to refer to some of the great experiences you enjoyed during your initial rendezvous. Suggest that you should try to recreate one or two of these, and he will agree with you if he’s ready to jump back into a meaningful relationship.
You can rekindle what you had, but as you would have deeply hurt him then don’t rush things. Learn to love each other affectionately, then notch up the romance before sealing your togetherness through intimacy.
WEEKEND FUN
As you mentioned that you learned from him about “bedroom fun”, when you are both ready then try to book a weekend away and suggest taking champagne and strawberries.
Once you have shared beautiful lovemaking, it is time to discuss your goals and aspirations so you have mutual commitment to making this relationship last the course.
Remember that you both have to compromise rather than allow this man to slip through your fingers again, because finding a life partner where there’s true love is the ultimate joy in life.
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