Can I Reset My Regret Over Best-Ever Partner?
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Question:
I’m kicking myself as I’ve just become single again, and with time on my hands I’m reflecting on what could have been.
I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of years ago. Only now do I realise that I shouldn’t have split up with him, because he was the best-ever boyfriend.
My heart has not been into another man since my big love. I’ve since been involved in relationships of six months and then three months, but we only dated at weekends and these were both nothing serious.
I still feel his soul and I know that sounds weird. I think that I would like to get him back in my life, but we’ve not spoken since the split. What’s the best I can hope for?
J, Ocho Rios
Love Doctor’s Answer:
There’s definitely self-doubt going on for you, and although you don’t state who decided to split up I would imagine that it was your choice.
That’s why there appears to be an element of guilt in your words, with your gooey description of him by stating that he was the “best-ever boyfriend”.
Despite not communicating with him for two years, you think that you would like to turn back the clock to reset your romance. You need a reality check because people can quickly alter in terms of both looks and character over time.
You need to be cautious, otherwise what you are recalling is seen in your mind through the proverbial rose-tinted glasses. I advise you to ask two or three close friends if they thought you and your ex-boyfriend were a pretty perfect pair, and take on their feedback.
REFLECTING ON HAPPINESS
Had it been a perfect partnership then you probably wouldn’t have broken up. You haven’t given a reason for the split, which would have shed some light onto whether there was a realistic chance of you two working out how to get back together.
Many people reflect on the good times they had with a previous partner when they become single. Although that’s usually the boyfriend or girlfriend before their last failed relationship, yet in your case it was two romances ago.
The reasoning is often because they suddenly feel lonely, and their former flame was always pretty good to them. This tends to happen as the one or both parties didn’t fully appreciate their partner, because they started to see their flaws.
ONCE IN A LIFETIME
When you think about what you had with your ex-boyfriend, you need to consider whether it was the equivalent of a vacation of a lifetime.
If it was, then as you know, a vacation of a lifetime only occurs once. Going on that fantastic adventure can never be repeated, because the same thrills can never be replicated.
It is exactly the same with a loving relationship. The sudden breakdown of a meaningful liaison can take up to three years for your pain to fully heal and probably accounts for you feeling wounded.
AVOID REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS
The last thing you need is to embark on a rebound romance, which sounds like both of your brief relationships were as you admit that your heart wasn’t in it.
You need to check out whether your ex-boyfriend is available before you consider reaching out to him, by suggesting that you give your former relationship another whirl.
Be aware that this is more likely to end in tears than long-term happiness. That’s unless you both believe that the reasoning behind your split was an incorrect decision, and that you both believe that you are soulmates.
PREPARE TO COMPROMISE
Working out, through strong communication skills and mutual goals, how you can be an even happier couple the second time around means you have to both be prepared to compromise. It won’t work if one of you is demanding, or apportions blame for the original split.
You need a clean slate and positive vibes if you are going to work in unison to find, what is effectively, your fairytale ending.
As individuals we are the only ones who hold the key to our romantic destiny, which makes us feel special and valued.
My advice is to check whether your ex-boyfriend is actually single, and that he hasn’t just been through a big break-up that could make him emotionally vulnerable.
SOURCE RECENT IMAGES
You should see if there are any recent social media photos of him kicking around. As he has got older and maybe uglier over two years, you may no longer find him as devilishly attractive as you think.
The same goes for you, check out some photos of you and him together then compare how you look now. If you need to make some tweaks to create the very best version of you visually then utilise your time as a singleton to do so, which will boost your self-esteem.
Once you have improved the way you look, which is imperative as men are visual creatures, try to find a hobby or two as you can brush up on your social skills and maybe even try some harmless flirting.
MAKE CONFIDENT APPROACH
If you are happy with the way he looks, believe that he’s both emotionally and romantically available, this signals the time to confidently approach him for a rendezvous.
Should you get to meet and the connection not be there, at least you can draw a line under your misconception about being a couple again because you wore rose-tinted glasses and put him on a pedestal.
You stated that he’s part of your soul, so tell him face-to-face that he is the most special man in the world to you even if another crack at being romantically involved is not going to work out.
SLOW THINGS DOWN
If the chemistry is there, you are presented with a golden opportunity to reminisce about those treasured moments together. Yet you should not hurry things along too quickly.
Take your time so that you don’t come across like an over-eager puppy dog. You can show him through actions that you are the real deal. That’s a caring, exciting, gorgeous, interesting and special lady.
This loving relationship can turn into a long-term romance if you can develop a naturally strong bond, as long as he feels the same way towards you about potentially pressing the reset button.
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