Are You Expecting Too Much From Your Man?

Do you enjoy reading an intense ‘rosemantic’ novel where the lead character is tall, dark, handsome, powerful and rich?

Who captivates every woman with his spell binding charm and good looks? Knows just what to say to make things better? Isn’t that every woman’s dream? Well ladies, I am here to tell you that you’ve been setting yourself up for failure your entire lives. Now, before you throw bricks, allow me to explain what I mean.

There is no perfect man – ever. The possibility of you finding a man who is sickeningly good looking, wash board abs, perfectly aligned teeth, hairline on point, perfect legs and feet, money in the bank, good parenting, spiritual, no kids or baby momma drama, educated, is bilingual and straight is probably as rare as you trying to count your pubic hair and not get confused.

Women need to understand that these novels and films like the Notebook are all scripted and edited. The people in this film are PAID to act the part without necessarily living it. Furthermore, all other segments of life are ignored for the duration of the film. The average film narrates a story in 90 – 120 minutes at a time. Do you think it is realistic to try to fit your entire life into a 90 minute scripted film? The film ignores his overdue light bill and unpaid student loans in his quest for an education. The film ignores that he may have not had a father growing up and carries to this day some resentment. The film ignores that he may have been bullied as a child. The film ignores the hurdles he must overcome on his journey to becoming a man.

Real life has no theme music and Hercules won’t be running in slow motion with his hair blowing in the wind. Sometimes Hercules comes on a bicycle or in an old beat up car. You have to recognize the Hercules in your man and then you must nurture it.

Women say they want an honest, hardworking man yet they are constantly holding men to the standards set on cable TV. The Jamaican economy is struggling and the job market is virtually non-existent. Many men prefer the entrepreneurship route because they would rather die trying to make something of themselves than die making something of someone else’s life.

Men are not robots. They were not put on earth to solve every blasted, nagging problem women have. They are individuals, just like us women. They have feelings – they cry, laugh and hurt just like us. They can be a pain in the behind at times, just as we can be. They have goals and a vision for their lives. Sometimes women go into relationships expecting a man to give up everything he ever wanted to support her and her dreams. Her feelings and moods – which I believe is utter crap.

There will forever be a blatant disconnect between men and women – I chalk this up to parenting. Seems like a pretty simple conclusion doesn’t it?

There are distinctive differences in parenting when raising a boy versus raising a girl. 95% of mothers and fathers embed one or all of the following into their girls:

• Mek sure yuh find a man weh can min’ yuh.
• Doh pick up no bruk pocket man
• Love cyaah put food pon di table
• If him doh have a car, mek him gwaan
• No romance without finance

What they fail to realize is that they are subconsciously preparing their daughters for modern day prostitution by teaching them to equate love with money.

I always hear how much men should be bread winners of the household and how men today aren’t like men 20 years ago. Well my darlings, things and times have changed. When men were the sole income earners they never had to concern themselves with buying the latest Louis Vuitton bag or Christian Louboutin shoes or an iPhone 6 or a Samsung Galaxy 5. If we want to enjoy modern day luxuries, it is imperative that 2 incomes support a household.

Why not teach our daughters to find an honest, respectful, spiritual and hardworking man who will love her to eternity? In the same breath teaching our girls to find a fulfilling career that embraces their purpose?

There are still good guys out there – I meet them almost every day. There is good in every man, as there is bad. Which will you nurture? Women are more powerful than they give themselves credit. Sometimes all you have to do is just be there for him. Allow him to calm down when he is upset – give him space, instead of pointing your finger in his face, raising your voice and mimicking guests from the Jerry Springer Show.

Women, never lower your standards, but make them realistic. Trust and respect are good foundations for building something great.

Become who you want to attract.

Enjoy the limitless facets of life. Never take advice from someone who won’t have to live with the consequences. Trust yourself. Life is not revolved around a man or a relationship but companionship is necessary for our survival.

Find your balance.

Find your peace……and in the process of finding YOU, go easy on the men trying to do the same.

Blessings,

Shaniin

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