Bombshell Ultimatum Has Offered Me An Escape Route 

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Love Doctor Monti is academically trained in interpersonal relationships, partnership intimacy and psychologically.

Question:

I’ve just been given a strange option from my boyfriend. I’m unsure how to tell him that I think it’s best to break up. 
 
We’ve been casually dating for almost five years, and it’s been fun but nothing special.

He recently surprised me with his suggestion that we should have tattoos of each other’s names or plan to have a baby. This bolt from the blue shocked me, and now I want to use his demands as leverage to get out of this relationship, how do I go about this?

Roberta, Kingston

Love Doctor’s Answer:
 
Your romantic relationship has lacked commitment so far, and this revelation from your boyfriend appears to be his way of securing a future together or driving you apart.

As your heart seems to have never been in this, it sounds like he’s done you a favour by offering this sudden ultimatum. Maybe he’s suggesting these to get out of the partnership, otherwise he could just have so easily asked you to marry him.

If you’ve only been seeing each other on a casual basis, then unless one of you has suddenly come into some money or got a pay increase at work then it’s difficult to ascertain why he asked for a baby or tattoo.

Maybe he wishes to save your rocky relationship. Perhaps he’s been leaned on by friends and family, so he genuinely believes that you’re the best lady that he’s ever going to be romantically involved with.

TATTOO JINX
Getting tattoos of each other’s names need serious consideration, even if you were considering this man as future husband material. These types of tattoos are frequently seen as a jinx for the partnership to come crashing down, so a more discreet set of initials that could be adapted in future would have been a much better option.

Deciding to have a baby strains couples in so many way, because there’s a huge impact on your freedom and your respective careers.

His suggested pair of long-term commitments require emotional and physical investment, which you are clearly not prepared to accept after undergoing a part-time relationship for so long.

Opening up the channels of communication is your starting block, because you wish to unearth the real reason for this bombshell. Only once you’ve established what prompted him can you clearly explain your stance.

My advice is to explain to him that although you’ve been together for years, you don’t envisage him being in your life forever. Reiterate that you’ve only been involved on a casual basis, so moving forwards as a committed couple would be mission impossible.

Be direct by telling him that you don’t want any future regrets for either of you, as having a baby or being tattooed offer both emotional and social risks that you don’t wish to face.

PANIC BUTTON
A frank heart-to-heart conversation will do the trick, as long you are courageous enough to tell him that you believe it’s time to go your separate ways. Let him think that you’ve pressed the panic button and feel pressurised by his suggestions to make you a more permanent couple, so that you don’t feel guilty.

Often when a man proposed to his love interest, she becomes so overwhelmed at the thought of being together forever than she immediately ends the romance. This is a similar scenario for you, and you’ve been presented with the opportunity to spread your wings.

The fact that there’s been deep-rooted doubts about being together for years, which is why you have seen each other casually for years, gives you the chance to tell him that it’s always felt like a fragile relationship.

By showing him the utmost respect with your words, means that he won’t think ill of you for wishing to cool off things.

It’s ideal to have your heart-to-heart talk in a public place, somewhere that you’ll both feel comfortable, as this means he’s highly unlikely to react badly towards you.

Utilise my two-one psychology trick to soften the blow of splitting up. This requires two positive sentences just about him followed by the all-important news that you wish to end things.

LACK OF CONNECTION
Explain that you don’t feel connected enough to be together forever, and that you believe he realises that because you’ve never been fully committed to each other.

Thank him for making incredible memories, which you will always treasure, and listen to his reasons for trying to prompt you to have a baby or tattoo.

It strongly appears to be his way of ending your romantic relationship, because it sounds as though you drifted on without future plans. 
 
I suspect that he could have his eye on a lady that he considers to be an upgrade on you, and by that I mean he has probably had his head turned by a younger lady.

Many men who fail to show romantic commitment will be shallow and relentlessly swapping their partner for someone a few years younger each time. Some men can get away with this for a plethora of reasons, such as financial clout or their looks improving with age.

Those who only considering good looks and age are never going to be completely satisfied with their partner, because they will constantly be seeking someone that they consider more attractive.

VISUAL DEPENDENT
Men are visual creatures, with so few bothered about inner beauty. Good looks fade, good character does not. If your boyfriend is one of these shallow men, then his demands have finally triggered an escape route for you.

Although to give him some credit he has been dating you for a significant amount of time, despite the lack of desire from you for building up a long-lasting relationship.

What you’ve both experienced for so long has been nothing more than a stop-gap romance, and to a certain extent meaningless. Just avoid trying to immediately replace him, as that’s highly likely to turn into a rebound relationship which is doomed from the start.

Take your time before dating again, by ensuring that you are emotionally available. In the meantime give yourself a mini-makeover for the feel-good factor, before you scrutinise my guide on how to meet single men for romance to try and find someone worthy of your love and affection.

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