How Do We Get A Straight Answer About A Friend’s Sexuality?

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Question:

There’s a regular group of four of us who meet up at weekends to talk about music, sport and women.

One man, who I’ve known for almost a decade, keeps getting hit upon by men. It’s been happening for a couple of months now, which has raised questions about his sexuality.

He’s never shown any interest in women since we met. He hasn’t dated this century, and his fashion is also over 25 years out of date.

What was originally only teasing, when he attracted the same gender, has stopped because it a regular occurrence.

We aren’t prejudice, but we don’t want men coming up to our table every weekend to chat up our friend. What’s your advice?

P, St. Thomas

Love Doctor’s Answer:

That’s very unusual across the island for a man to not show interest in woman and fail to date for over 25 years.

This behaviour understandably questions his sexuality. The best way to get a blunt answer is to ask him when you are all together.

As he is regularly being singled out when you are sat together as a group, your best way forward is to quiz him after he gets chatted up.

Asking him if he’s bi-curious, which is a more subtle way than asking him outright if he’s in the closet. You should collectively be able to gauge through his body language whether he is being truthful with his response.

It’s crucial to speak to your two other friends about this beforehand, because you have to decide what course of action to follow depending on his reply.

You have to determine whether his presence with you, which attracts attention from men seeking men for a relationship, is making you feel uncomfortable or you are happy to tolerate it.

MODERN-DAY STIGMA
There’s a stigma attached to coming out across the island, although Pride celebrations have been held without disruptions since 2015. Yet you three do not wish to find yourself subjected to any abuse for hanging around with your friend.

You can simply go to different places than your usual haunts to prevent your friend being approached. If it remains too much of a problem, and he continues to get hit upon by men, then you need to explain this and stop meeting up with him.

However, you mentioned that his attire is seriously outdated. That could be his comfortable form of ‘uniform’. You may discover that the clothes and colours he sports are giving off vibes of being gay, as he is drawing attention from men.

This is your opportunity, if he claims to be straight, to address his styling. He’s probably dressed flamboyantly (crop tops, mesh tops, pastel colours, tight-fitting tops etc), or he’s deliberately overcompensating by wearing hyper-masculine attire (rugged clothes, sportswear etc) to hide suspicion.

NEW LOOK NEEDED
You can restyle him from top to toe, including accessories, hairstyle and scent. Steer him away from an avant garde look, ensure he avoids bleaching his hair or wearing bright colours.

It is worth scrutinising my guide on how to dress for a date to get him styled up to attract ladies. When he’s ready then you need to establish why he has avoided dating for so many years.

The fact he has shown zero interest in women for such a long time, and not even dated this century, appears to be a colossal red flag. You need to collectively delve into why he has chosen to be single for so long and why he might be repelled by the fairer sex.

There must be a deep-rooted reason why he has hidden himself away from women. I’ve knew a man in his mid-30s who decided that he was gay for the simple reason that he had never kissed a lady.

BEAUTY OF ART
After I pointed out the various forms of beauty of the fairer sex, and explained why women have regularly appeared in famous art, I swiftly sent him off to art galleries to admire women and advised a new look clothes wise.

Three weeks later he was dating a lady and has not looked back. He’s very happy at being a red-blooded male, but he needed some initial guidance.

You three can follow my lead. It’s worth playing a game of ‘Kiss, Marry, Avoid’ in a busy establishment that’s brimming with good-looking ladies. In that game you each pick a woman from those to your left, then those on your right, that you would like to  ‘kiss’, ‘marry’ and ‘avoid’ with valid reasons.

This is only a playful game, but by encouraging your friend to start looking at women as an object of beauty could kickstart his interest.

SEXUAL SENSES
Once your friend seems keener on women, following his clothing restyle and sporting a citrus aftershave that brings out the sexual senses, you can follow my guide on how to meet single women.

As you are probably aware, Christian and Rastafarian Jamaicans tend to condemn homosexuality. It is seen as a weakness, and frequently there can be extreme violence when a same gender relationship goes pear-shaped.

You surely wish to avoid getting caught up in potential violence or have people condemning you for hanging around with your friend should he turn out to be gay.

The choice is yours. You should help steer him towards women, that he can respect and build up a meaningful relationship. Or guide him towards closed door events and parties, where he can freely express himself with new friends rather than remain unhappy in the closet.

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