Is Message From An Ex Making A Fool Of Me?

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Question:

I’ve discovered that my boyfriend has been in touch with the girl he dated before me and I feel that he’s gone behind my back.

We’ve been dating for seven months, and he assured me at the start that there were no women in the background.

But he left his phone unlocked and on our table at a bar after seeing one of his work colleagues and going to talk to him. A message signed with three kisses flashed up from his ex, because I know her name. This message was muted, because soon after he got another message and this made a noise on his cell phone.

I’m devastated as I trusted him and now I feel such a fool. I’ve made excuses about meeting up for a while, but what should I think?

P, Cornwall Parish

Love Doctor’s Answer:

Before you jump to conclusions it’s definitely best to collar your partner about receiving this message. He may not be doing anything wrong at all.

So much depends on whether he ignored this message or replied. The uncertainty appears to be eating you up and you are thinking the worse of him as though he is a real work of art.

Obviously you didn’t bring up the fact that you saw he had a message from his former squeeze, and he clearly didn’t mention it to you. It would have been better to have brought this up at the time, as you could have read his body language. It would have been easy to establish if he was lying to you or was being sincere.

However, the reason that this message was muted could have simply been because he doesn’t wish to hear from her. Although he would be better off blocking her, or on WhatsApp archiving her messages.

He assured you at the start of your romance that there were no other ladies, and you need not doubt his words unless you find out that this message was one of many from his ex-girlfriend.

Unfortunately a former crush can be meddlesome and jealous when they find out that their previous partner has moved on, rather than being happy for them.

This is a commonplace scenario, which tends to result in relentless messages as soon as they have discovered they had been replaced even if they initiated the split.

Before you point the finger of blame at your boyfriend, you should be upfront to find out the truth. Tell him in person that when you went out to that bar you saw a message pop up from his ex-girlfriend that was littered with kisses.

Give him a chance to explain himself, which will reveal whether he was being genuinely protective towards you or he was doing the dirty on you.

I advise you to only ask him point blank and, without letting your emotions get the better of you, when you are together ask to see what he replied.

If he’s been lovey-dovey towards her then you are justified in immediately giving him the heave-ho, and he’s not worthy of your love and devotion so it’s his loss.

Yet if he hasn’t responded, or he did and asked her to stop contacting him because he’s in a serious romantic relationship, then you’ll know that you have a good guy in your life.

Mutual trust and respect is vital for a romance to blossom and last, without these you are wasting each other’s time.

You should be aware that exes can even resort to phoning up their replacement just to reveal that they’ve been in touch with their former love interest. Unnerving someone like this is a ploy of a jealous person who wants their previous partner back.

It’s imperative that you find out the truth about this scenario of a message, and whether it was unwanted or the two of them have been in touch throughout your relationship.

You need to establish the facts rather than feeling full of sorrow and believing your boyfriend is cheating on you, because it could all be innocent.

If she is the one to blame then you need to ask him to block her messages, although he may have already done that. Explain that you want to be his only woman and will be offended by him keeping in touch with any exes.

Should he love you enough then he’ll agree as making you feel so special will be his priority.

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