Can My Relationship Develop Without Romance?
If you fancy sending your romantic relationship dilemma to former Kingston resident Love Doctor Monti, author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, submit your question via our form.
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Question:
I’ve never been a romantic man. I don’t believe in all that mush I see in the media about buying women flowers, perfumes and surprise gifts. To me that’s buying affection. A birthday gift and a Christmas present are all I’m prepared to give.
I’m in a fairly new relationship. After just a few weeks it feels more like we are brother and sister hanging out than a proper couple. Is there anything that I can do to make this work better?
B, Saint Thomas
Love Doctor’s Answer:
It sounds like you allowed yourselves to just take each other for granted after the initial excitement swiftly wore off, and are content with the companionship you’ve created.
If you are seeking a full on romantic relationship, you need to move on from just caring for each other affectionately to loving each other romantically before the beautiful act of lovemaking seals your future.
When you state that you feel more like siblings together, I have to assume that getting intimate is out of the question because the physical attraction is lacking.
Your best bet is to start making your girlfriend feel special and valued, then try to get her to notice you as a super sexy object as well as her best friend.
Although you have built up a bond based on shared experiences, this is because you are friends rather than lovers.
It’s disappointing to learn that you are not buying into giving gifts to your love interest. Presenting your girlfriend with thoughtful gifts are non-verbal actions that will let her know that you care about her, and can be seen as a symbol of your love.
Everyone wants to be appreciated and feel special, so buying her a typical small gift like a bottle of wine, chocolates, jewellery or perfume would be a start.
You are investing your time with this lady, so why not invest a little bit of money? There’s no need to splash the cash, because you are spot on about not buying someone’s affection. No need to buy her a bag or shoes, which women seem to never have enough of!
Often men only give presents when they feel guilty, which is frequently when they have been unfaithful. There could well be alarm bells if you turn up unexpectedly with a bottle of wine or scent for your girlfriend, as you admit to not being much of a giver of gifts.
IMPROMPTU GIFTS CAN BE TREATS
I would urge you to consider token gifts, and make these impromptu rather than every week or every month looking for something to buy.
To kick off I suggest that you buy your lady something from the supermarket that she likes to have as a treat. If you can’t find anything suitable then some chocolates, as they are usually well received.
Don’t just hand them to her, put the present either in her fridge or next to her bed so that she finds it unexpected. She will soon think about where this came from, so expect a thank you text or phone call.
Ensure that you tell her that you saw this in the supermarket and thought about her, so decided to buy it. She should go all gooey on the inside when you inform her that she’s special to you, especially because you have been thoughtful.
Building up your gift giving, slowly but surely, is essential if you want to develop a deep bond with this lady. Flowers can be next on your agenda, ideally ones that smell nice or are visually appealing.
A simple but brilliant gift can be a homemade one, which costs you time rather than money. Just find a medium-sized jar, complete with lid, and make your own label with words along the lines of “Reasons Why I Love You”.
CREATE A BESPOKE JAR OF LOVE
Produce some strips of paper, which every morning and every evening you should write on with something pleasant about your girlfriend. Add these to your jar, and when you are ready you can present this jar of love to your lady.
You are building up the foundation for love to blossom by sorting out gifts because you are showing some excellent traits by being caring, considerate and respectful.
Getting her to notice you can be simplistic, just by making a few tweaks. You can dress for the occasion when you spend time together, making an impression with the way you present yourself.
Dressing suitably for dates will go a long way, because you are showing that you respect her, just don’t try to outbling or overscent your girlfriend. Check out my men’s guide on how to dress to impress.
You are always going to be on to a winner if you wear a sports jacket/blazer, and I’m referring to a jacket like a suit rather than anything sporty. This is because ladies like a smart jacket on a gentleman, in the same way a man likes to see a woman in swimwear, as a good woman will always notice a well groomed man.
GET THE JUICES PUMPED UP
I would advise you to stick to two aftershaves, one for daytime and another for the evening. Aim to pick out ones that boast a citrus scent. The aroma of grapefruit, lemons and oranges will always naturally increase blood flow to the sexual organs and improve alertness.
Which moves nicely onto bedroom fun. You are either painfully shy or super cautious when it comes to intimacy. If this lady is someone that you are physically attracted to, then you need to start getting flirty with her.
The objective for getting flirty is to establish whether your relationship is moving forward. If you get the green light, rather than going to one of your homes, suggest going away for the weekend soon.
If she is keen for a trip then try to surprise her with a gift of lacy underwear, or something that you feel would excite you in the bedroom.
MOVE OUT OF THE FRIEND ZONE
Should you need prompting between the sheets, then instead of acting naive, just ask your lady what sort of bedroom fun she would like to try. You may be pleasantly surprised by her response.
You have a glorious opportunity to move out of what is effectively the friendship zone, as you are already dating. Begin to pay attention to your girlfriend, start giving her a couple of options about what you can do on some of your dates.
You can always build up intimacy by going out for some sort of physical activity where you know your hands will touch, such as dancing.
Your relationship could become a slow-burner or things hot up quickly when she realises what you are seeking together. Now’s the time to get the ball rolling on building up something special between you two.
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