How Do I Turn On The Excitement?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor Monti, the author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, your relationship queries? Use our form to submit your question or send an email.
Question:
It’s a bit embarrassing, but I’m having problems getting aroused by my girlfriend of three years.
We are both in our early 40s, and until a couple of months everything was perfect between us sexually. She’s not very adventurous in the bedroom, and only sticks to one position that makes it feel routine.
She’s not been impressed by my recent underperformances. Please help because I don’t want to lose her out of my life
G, Negril
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Solid couples often experience blips between the sheets, which can be caused by a number of reasons such as exhaustion and stress. However, from your description it appears that your lovemaking has become unemotional and it honestly sounds like more of a chore than pleasure.
Variety is the spice of life, so my first suggestion is for you to be the man and tell her that you would like to try out some different positions in bed. You don’t need to go crazy and alter it from genuine lovemaking to mechanical sex, the objective is for you to both connect and let this become a beautiful experience.
You may have to undertake some online research, but when you do be careful of what may pop up on your device. The safest way to approach this is to purchase a book about kama sutra, which explains emotional fulfilment, eroticism and sexuality. You can both read up on this ancient philosophy and learn some essential tips.
Many men lose sexual interest in their lady once the honeymoon period during dating is over, yet you are way past that as you have been together for three years. The other main reason for either partner not being fully aroused is down to the lack of foreplay.
Foreplay doesn’t have to begin in the bedroom, you can get the ball rolling during the day by sending a saucy message about an hour or two before you see other to generate some sexual tension.
The next step is to try to entice physical contact before you consider lovemaking, such as dancing or offering your partner a sensual massage.
Foreplay is all about allowing your body time to adjust to being turned on, so that ultimately the blood flows to your respective private areas. As men are visual creatures, then you could try to use a mirror to either slowly undress each other or even to watch yourselves making passionate love.
Preparing your body and mind for lovemaking is imperative. I would imagine that you’ve probably got into a scenario of just the same position on the same nights, in which case you’ve probably also bypassed the sexual foreplay.
Familiarity breeds contempt, so introduce new aspects to your sex life with a gradual build-up. Using your lips and tongue to kiss and lick around her inner thighs is titillating, and she won’t feel that you just want to get the job done as quickly as you can.
Maybe you are being a big turn off instead of a turn on in the bedroom because of your eagerness. Women rightly crave attention and devotion, so make some romantic gestures and give her a small but thoughtful gift each month to show that you are more than friends with benefits.
As for your problem of not getting aroused, if you are suffering you could try eating foods that will help improve your blood vessel health such as berries, dark chocolate, fatty fish and leafy greens.
I also urge you to make the bedroom a sanctuary for lovemaking and sleep. Ensure there’s no distractions, like having cellphones or television switched on. Keep the conversation just about you two in the bedroom, so don’t mention family, friends or old flames, and definitely never discuss work in your bedroom.
To set the scene in the bedroom you need to excite her smell senses. Go for a scented candle or diffuser with citrus or sandalwood. You should also leave a bowl comprising grapefruit and lemons near the bed as the aroma is sensual and boosts sexual excitement.
You can drink a bottle of Jamaica’s famous Dragon Stout an hour before you are expecting lovemaking. This will boost your libido thanks to the high amounts of iron that will increase the amount of blood circulation to your private area.
There’s a plethora of aphrodisiacs available in supermarkets that promise to increase your sexual desire. I recommend trying some horny goat weed or Peruvian ginseng (maca root) to get your sex drive back.
There are two vital things for you to immediately tackle. Firstly, initiate a conversation with your partner about being more sexually intrepid.
This is when it will be useful to refer to the relentless number of positions in a kama sutra book. Secondly, with this chance to be more audacious in the bedroom, be ready to introduce (or improve) your foreplay techniques so that you can satisfy both of you.
* You can learn more relationship tips from Love Doctor Monti by reading his book Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever
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