Should I Pin My Hopes On A Knight In Shining Armour?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I’ve no job, no real prospects, curvy and in my mid-30s. I’m still in love with my recent ex coming into the new year, but I tried online dating because I felt lonely.
On Christmas Day I got chatting with a man who’s 16 years older than me with two young children and who keeps telling me he is “rich”.
He messages me every day, but he isn’t ready to go on a date with me until just before Valentine’s Day.
Some alarm bells are ringing, and I’m pinning my hopes on this man to rescue me although I really wish that I hadn’t split up with my ex who keeps in touch and remains in love with me.
What direction should I take with my love life?
Chantelle, MoBay
Love Doctor’s Answer:
It sounds like you are stuck in a rut and although you have no job and no partner there’s no reason why 2023 cannot deliver both. In each case you need to ensure that you don’t come across as desperate.
Your dilemma covers a number of things and I’m unsure whether you mentioned being curvy and in your mid-30s as negative aspects.
Obviously you can’t change your age, but if you are unhappy with your shape then you can easily visit a gym and alter your diet – I would recommend the VB6 diet that is often used by Hollywood A-listers just before they start showing a movie.
There are job sites in Jamaica and free courses so you can improve your skillset with ease.
Then we come on to the matter of your ex. When a relationship comes to a sudden halt there are all sorts of doubts about yourself and your previous partner.
However, you are simply wasting your time by analysing everything that was wrong between you. Instead you need to focus on the future by learning from your mistakes.
So much depends on how your relationship ended, and of course whether either of you would genuinely consider trying to resurrect it for the right reasons.
Should there remain unfinished business and you both remain single, then dating again may be the best way forward – especially as you mention that you wish you hadn’t split up, remain in love with him and he’s still regularly in touch.
My suggestion is to ask some people who know (and like) both of you whether they think that there’s a chance of genuine romance being rekindled.
If they give you the green light then I would urge you to arrange talking to your ex-boyfriend and be direct. Tell him that you would like to discuss the situation somewhere public.
If that goes well then dump this love interest immediately and stop all communication with him. However, if your ex says there’s no chance to get the romance back on track then you need to stop communication with him, as it is going to give you false hopes.
Time is the only healer for a broken heart, so if the ex delivers bad news then I suggest that you use some alone time to lick your wounds and consider your flaws rather than his.
This will mean that when you do go out on a date you will be an improved version of you rather than feeling inadequate about having broken up.
My advice is that the longer that you wait to potentially date, the better because you can’t give your devotion to a new beau when you are still in love with your ex.
Feeling lonely, which happens around the festive season, is not the right reason for you to entertain dating this so-called wealthy man with young kids. Would you really want to be part of an extended family when reasonably young? And why is he delaying meeting up? You should investigate whether he is actually single.
This sounds like a potential rebound relationship, which generally tends to fail and leaves both parties regretting having started this after a few weeks.
Don’t enter a doomed romance because he is stating that he is rich. You’ve obviously told him that you don’t work. You’ve had your head turned because he appears to be the escape route as your knight in shining armour.
You are currently vulnerable and you certainly don’t want to just be used for his sexual needs. Therefore, I suggest that you establish whether this man has any genuine interest in your character rather than just looks. Remember that he is almost two decades older than you, would that work down the line for you?
Is he seeking a young woman just because of lust? That will only cause chaos and arguments between you. I don’t want you to slip up and become humiliated.
Often new partnerships become so full-on that they will run their course in next to no time, especially when the basis for the longevity of the relationship has been lust rather than love.
Take a look at whether you would want children taking time away from the two of you, whether age will be a barrier in years to come and more importantly whether he could be an upgrade on the man you continue to love before you put your faith in a relative stranger.
As for when is the right time to date your ex-boyfriend’s pal, the answer is when you know it is a relationship that can develop
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