Why Do I Appear To Be Invisible To Younger Ladies?

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Question:

I’m fast approaching the grand old age of 50. Having been single for over a year and I’m finding it difficult to meet anyone for a new romance.

Like many men my age I’m seeking a woman at least 10 years than. For some reason I feel as though I’m virtually invisible to those in their 30s.

Is there anything that I do to get back on track to find someone special?

A, Kingston

Love Doctor’s Answer:

Men are visual creatures, so as they age they tend to be more attracted to ladies that are considerably younger than them.

There is no magic number for an age gap to work in a romantic relationship, although I’ve always recommended a maximum of 13 years.

Many men age gracefully and become like fine wine, so their looks improve over time. But for others they get old looking as age creeps up them, with loss of hair and a belly prevalent.

There are numerous men who will constantly want to change their partner for a younger version, although that will only turn into a meaningful relationship if the latest lady is actually an upgrade.

So many men, especially those with a wandering eye, believe that they deserve someone much younger than their current or previous love interest. However, this is simply a numbers game and is lacking the respect that the lady deserves.

You need to establish where you are going wrong trying to find a new partner as well as work calculate your value to a potential new girlfriend.

There could be a plethora of reasons why you are not attracting attention from ladies in their 30s. Maybe you are dressing like a trendy teenager rather than someone in their 40s.

You must avoid visiting places where the clientele age is generally no higher than early 40s, and you must accept that you probably cannot compete with good looking men in their 30s to meet ladies.

DRESS TO IMPRESS
I urge you to look at your choice of clothing and footwear to check that you are not mutton dressed as lamb, because that can be extremely off-putting for single ladies. Dress to impress and not to be mocked.

Also look around the place you frequent. If the men are fitter and better looking that you, then consider joining a gym, getting a new haircut and working out a new beauty regime.

Men who take care of themselves are always going to be attractive to the opposite gender for the simple reason that the lady knows that you help take care of her.

Another key factor could be that you are spending too much time out and about with friends that are old before their time. If a lady sees you and group of guys looking middle-aged, it is highly unlikely that she will wish to initiate a conversation that could lead to romance.

HUNTING IN PACKS
On top of that you should look at where you are hanging out and with whom. Men like to hunt in packs, but if your friends are looking their age or older then they are doing you no favours unless you really stand out from them.

With your milestone birthday coming up, this is a perfect chance for you to stand out from your friends.

I suggest that you organise something special with your pals to celebrate reaching a half century, ideally visiting a resort for a few nights where you can let your hair down and potentially meet new women.

As for your value for your next lucky lady, you should compile a list of five attributes that you can offer her. This is not about the way you look nor financially, but to do with your characteristics and how you would treat her if romantically involved.

START TO BE REALISTIC
Once you have all of these aspects in place I urge you to compile a realistic list of 10 things that you are looking for in a lady, but don’t include the age factor.

You should try to initiate a conversation with close friends about what makes an ideal girlfriend, and see if what they mention aligns with your list.

Good looks fade, but good character tends not to. Which is why you are desperately seeking someone much younger than you.

You won’t stay invisible to young ladies if you understand where things have slipped up, know your own value and make the necessary adjustments.

Follow my guide on where to meet a future girlfriend, and start trying to visit new places that offer you the opportunity to flirt with ladies in your ideal age bracket.

AVOID CONSTANT CHANGES
Commitment is one of the main aspects that any future girlfriend wants, but as men are happy to chop and change their partner then these women end up exasperated.

Finding mutual interests is a brilliant foundation to kicking off a new romance, so maybe try some new hobbies without your usual bunch of friends and see if the sparks fly when you meet new ladies.

Although it sounds like you just want eye candy hanging off your arm, rather than a romantic relationship. Bear in mind that both mutual trust and respect are essential elements in building a meaningful relationship.

Yet it is the chemistry between you that is the overriding factor when it comes to couples getting together. As an age gap is unlikely to be barrier if there are genuine sparks, you may well find that you meet someone around your old age to live happily ever after if she turns your head.

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