Is It Possible To Reset My Silly Boundaries?
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Question:
I told my then boyfriend that if we ever split up I would never talk to him again.
After I walked out on him in a fit of rage, I later discovered that I got the wrong end of the stick. I was heartbroken at the time and have been ever since, especially as he quickly moved onto another relationship.
I think he’s single again because he hasn’t posted anything on social media with this woman for months.
As I get Google Photos reminders of us, I feel it’s time to break down the barriers I made and reach out. What’s the best approach to get his attention with a view to reigniting our romance?
R, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Being responsible for ending the romantic relationship puts the burden on you to make the first move if you wish to try and rekindle your partnership.
Your ex-boyfriend was probably left so perplexed by the break-up that he was railroaded into what sounds like a rebound relationship. Confusion, heartache, peer pressure and yearning for love are common reasons for those dumped to immediately bounce back.
The fact that you have been actively monitoring his social media accounts, and continued to do so even when he was with another lady, indicates that you possess deep and profound love for this man.
Often there is mad jealousy after we see a former partner with someone new, which can lead to anger and often pushes singletons into meaningless relationships for the wrong reasons.
Despite ending the romance because of jealousy, you seem to have grown up emotionally now and are not having a go at your ex-boyfriend for his sudden romance after you.
You mention that you have suffered heartache ever since you split up, but you have done yourself no favours by deciding that there should be zero communication between you.
Am unsure exactly why you told your now ex-boyfriend why you would never talk to him again, but you can throw him off guard by opening up the channels of communication.
You have not mentioned whether he initially tried to contact you, in the hope of persuading you to change your mind about going your separate ways. If you ignored any messages or calls from him then it is understandable why he entered another relationship.
As you are being regularly reminded about those precious times together by Google Photos, these images are the reason why you would potentially like to recreate building memories together.
Christmas and the new year are around the corner, so leading up to these there will be sugar-coated romances across all media platforms that reach a wide audience who want the same sort of happiness.
I would urge you to act immediately, before December kicks in with aspirations for festive relationships, so that your former boyfriend does not find another lady again.
Even though you assume he is single, it is worth doing some subtle research by asking any mutual friends about his availability. You don’t want to go through any unnecessary anguish.
REEL IN HIS INTEREST
Once you know that you could possibly rekindle your romance, you should surprise him with a small Christmas gift to either his house or workplace. Ensure it is wrapped up, and with a short message as well as your phone number, signed by just your first name initial followed by a single lower case kiss. In other words, only sign it R x.
Because you are receiving memories from Google Photos, pick out an image of the two of you from something that you thoroughly enjoyed. Print out this photo, buy a frame and wrap this all up in Christmas paper with the following message: Thanks for the memories, which I shall always treasure. Let’s do this again sometime. R x
This photo frame with a wondrous photo is for you to hand him in person if you can successfully organise a rendezvous. Reaching out to him needs to come from you, following your bizarre words about never talking to him again and then ending the relationship.
It is all about trying to rebuild mutual faith and trust before you can consider embarking on a second bite of the cherry. Generally speaking a loving relationship can only be rekindled if there was a reason out of control for one party for the split and the pair are genuine soulmates.
Focus any communication solely on him, avoid using the word I and try my 2-1 psychology tip. Do not try calling him, instead send a message with a pair of positive sentences followed by a single line apologising for what happened between you two.
REACH OUT SUBTLY
At this stage you need to not appear too keen, so avoid any mention about meeting up.
As it sounds like you most probably blocked him because of your determination to never talk to him again, you could discover that he blocked you too.
WhatsApp is pretty good for checking that messages went through, and is one of the best ways to break the silence.
You could always obtain a secondary number on this platform to offer an olive branch. Don’t forget to display a recent photo of you and maybe add a new email address that you can potentially just use for communicating with your ex-boyfriend.
Once he responds then you need to go for the kill of generating a face-to-face meeting. Rather than offering him a simple yes or no option, suggest two choices that should encourage him when to meet up.
Avoid places that don’t serve alcohol, ideally somewhere that you’ve never been before as a couple so that it becomes an exciting experience for both of you.
ONLY BE YOURSELF
There’s no need to doll yourself up in new clothes and with a new hairstyle, because this man wants to see the girl that he fell madly in love with.
Be yourself, explain that you want to shake off your regret of walking out on him and that you remain in love with him. Then hand him the gift of the wrapped up photo frame,ask him to open it because you can then gauge from his body language whether he will contemplate reigniting the spark between you.
When he sees the photo, you will hopefully witness him smile. This is your opportunity to put your hand on his and suggest that you enjoy that same experience again.
Try and tie him down to actually pencilling in a date for whatever it is depicted in the photo, be it an event, day trip, sports occasion or even a vacation.
Having something to look forward to is what makes us happy in life, so bring yourselves an element of happiness in a simplistic manner if you can orchestrate that all important tete-a-tete.
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