Can I Beat My Nerves To Land Another Date?
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Question:
I’ve been keen to ask a girl out for some weeks. All I came up with was inviting her for a drink, but I felt that was a bit lame for a first date.
It went well, but at the end I asked her out for another drink that’s going to happen soon. This girl’s brown eyes and sweet smile leave me completely tongue-tied, any advice for sorting out a third date?
D, Ocho Rios
Love Doctor’s Answer:
It sounds like you could be an inexperienced dater as well as being nervous around this lady, so you definitely need to shake things up.
The reason to avoid asking someone out for a drink is because too often this is the only offer men will make, which frequently results in women using a knee-jerk reaction of saying no.
Well done for arranging back-to-back dates, but you need to up the ante for the all-important third date. This is the make-or-break rendezvous, as it is likely to determine whether there’s any romantic future between you two.
My advice is you need to compose yourself before this second date, and have some top-notch plans lined up for your potential third meeting.
There are a plethora of ways to calm your nerves before seeing this lady next time, with the goal to instil some confidence. She likes you enough to meet up again, so that should make you optimistic.
My suggestions are before the date you undertake some gentle exercise such as a bike ride, a jog or even a quick visit to the gym. This will boost your endorphins while offering you some valuable time to think about what your conversation starters will be.
FIND FEELGOOD FACTORS
When you pick out your outfit ensure that nothing is new because you need to feel completely comfortable on your date, and she wants to see the real version of you. I urge you to also sport an accessory that offers you the feelgood factor, such as a piece of jewellery or a favourite watch.
Just before you set off for your date, it is advisable to listen to some upbeat music beforehand to lift your spirits.
This is only your second date, so you’ll both be equally nervous and vulnerable. Although I urge you to be a great listener at your rendezvous by only speaking around 30% of the time, just ensure that there are no awkward moments of silence.
The initial date was all about finding out a little about each other and flirting. You have garnered her interest to see her again, so must maintain the momentum by trying to unearth mutual interests and similar aspirations.
Aligned hobbies and goals are the foundations for building up a meaningful relationship. Yet you also need to continue with your flirting, so keep on eye-gazing and smiling.
BODY LANGUAGE MATTERS
It is best to tilt your body towards her during the date, which indicates that you are both engaged and interested in what she is saying.
Try reading her body language to check out whether she remains interested in you. Look out for any playful touches or brushing her hand on you, because no woman will touch a man she doesn’t like.
You maybe did loosen up enough on the last day. If you aren’t driving or a teetotal, then it could be time to be adventurous by drinking some alcohol. Just ensure that you don’t overdo the consumption, as that could put her off.
Although you are already extremely keen to snag a third date, the next time you meet up it might not be such smooth sailing. You may well discover that there’s nothing in common, or there are no sparks to make a romantic relationship evolve.
Yet you are wise to consider where to go on a third date. Although I strongly recommend that you avoid going out for a meal, because this is another stereotypical date that men come up.
TIME TO GET PHYSICAL
You want to stand out from the crowd while you try to win her heart. Offer something where there’s some form of physical contact and intimate such as dancing, a romantic walk or ten-pin bowling.
If everything goes well and you still get to the end of your date but cannot think of suggesting anything other than going on a drink, simply inform this lady that you’ll message her once she lets you know she’s safely home.
After you receive her message that she’s back, I suggest you use the two-one psychology trick. This uses a couple of positives before conveying the main message, as well as avoiding the usage of the word I.
Suggest you send something along the lines of:
“What a wonderful time we had together, you looked so lovely on our date that you made me tongue-tied about arranging our third date. Hoping we can go dancing or ten-pin bowling soon, will call tomorrow night to sort out when we can meet up again. Night D x”
PERSUASIVE FLOWER POWER
Don’t despair if she doesn’t show any immediate enthusiasm to your message. You can show her your romantic side by dropping off some flowers at her home or work with a message (obviously you might need to alter Saturday) of:
“Roses are red, carnations are white, do you fancy a date on Saturday night? D x”
All being well your second meeting runs as smooth as silk, and there’s enough chemistry to seal another date. Your best bet to successfully securing a third date is to close your rendezvous by setting up another meeting, but going to a restaurant should be off the menu.
Your appetite for potential physical contact for your third rendezvous will help boost self-esteem, and should make you less susceptible to feel so helpless in organising future dates.
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