How Do I Begin My New Appetite For Dating?
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Question:
I walk past a bakery every weekend en route to work and recently noticed a beautiful looking girl.
As it’s always the same time that I go by we have started catching each other’s eyes and smiling.
Having been single for over a year, having been dumped by my long-term girlfriend, I’m out of practice. How should I approach her to organise a date?
K, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
It sounds like you have been extremely sensible by waiting until you are emotionally available before looking to date again. The pain of being unceremoniously discarded takes time to heal, so well done for avoiding a rebound relationship.
You have the perfect opportunity to visit this bakery where your potential love interest works, so it is time to explore whether there’s any connection and dust down your flirting skills.
At the moment she is visually appealing from afar, which is a terrific foundation, but there are a plethora of factors that will determine if there’s a genuine spark.
MORE THAN LOOKS
Aspects that can influence attraction and emotional bonding include body language, biological communication from the natural smells we emit, voice and the way we present ourselves.
Reading body language can easily be misinterpreted, and even these smiles from this lady could be misread by you. I suggest that you send a colleague or friend down the same route to see if he achieves the same reaction.
If it is only you that is special this signals time for you to show some bravo by waving a few times to see how she reacts.
Use your left hand as that should prompt her to mirror your actions, and then it will reveal whether she is wearing an engagement ring or wedding ring. Obviously if she is then you must immediately drop your interest.
It would not be fair on her partner if she wants to cheat with you, and it is very likely that down the line she would also go behind your back if you ever become a couple.
OUT OF THE BLUE
Should you get a wave back and there’s no sign of a ring then seize the moment and approach this lady inside the bakery face-to-face. The perfect scenario is to visit during your lunch break to appear like a genuine customer, and by popping in at a different time to your usual stroll will probably take her by surprise.
When you visit try to eye gaze, which is locking eye contact, and arrive full of confidence. Women like self-assertive men, as long as there’s not any arrogance, so ensure you know what you will purchase from her rather than dither.
By being closer to her you can determine if there’s anything between you. You are best to use my tried and tested two-one psychology trick with her, which is buttering her up with two positives before relaying what you really wish to convey.
A couple of genuine compliments, and avoiding the use of the word I, will get the ball rolling. Best to kick off that you were enchanted by her beautiful smile, add something about what suits her such as her hairstyle or clothes before stating that you would like to potentially meet with her.
Prepare to hand over your number rather than push for hers, either on your business card or neatly written on a piece of paper with your first name. You also should have two options ready, so that it will not be an automatic no because women frequently get asked out but usually by a lazy question of going for a drink that night.
STAND OUT ADVANTAGE
It is still okay to suggest a drink, but also come up with something more exciting and thoughtful. In your scenario suggest either a midweek drink one evening or an activity at the weekend such as visiting a dancehall, place of interest or something sporty. You want to stand out from others who always only want to go for a drink or meal.
You have the advantage over other single men that are attracted to her if she appreciates that you are being thoughtful and not pushy by offering her a choice for your first date.
Check out my tips on how to dress appropriately for a date, because she will only have seen you in your work clothing.
It is also worth exploring my tricks on how to land a second date, as you do not want to blow your initial get together and then feel awkward walking past the bakery.
Getting back on the dating scene is a tough ask, so take some advice from friends about how to upgrade the way you look. There’s no need to splash the cash on creating an entirely different version of you.
FEEL-GOOD FACTOR
Just maybe make some tweaks to your accessories, attire, footwear, hairstyle or scent. It is very simplistic to start lifting your confidence by buying something new that you like, because it offers the feel-good factor.
A new aftershave, jacket or watch would be my advice. Especially as you have saved quite a bit of money by being single for the past year.
This window of opportunity with someone who has caught your eye may develop into a meaningful romantic relationship, but if it doesn’t then it appears you are back in business to pursue your journey to find the perfect partner forever.
Hopefully things can blossom with this lady, as long as she is single and as equally as keen, although there are other ways to start meeting single ladies.
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