Vanishing Act Is Playing Tricks On My Heart
If you fancy sending your romantic relationship dilemma to former Kingston resident Love Doctor Monti, author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, kindly submit your question via our form or send a direct email to [email protected].
Question:
It’s been a year since I dumped my now ex-boyfriend, and left him heartbroken. I panicked because he suggested moving in together, and we’ve ignored each other ever since.
Things had been brilliant. He used to send me a short poem every morning on my cell phone. We spent as much time together, and made amazing memories.
I’m really missing his loving look, and the stuff he did to show how important I was. I’ve never stopped thinking about us, and feel guilty about the split because we just never discussed cohabiting.
We’ve both stayed single, but how can I fix things without looking desperate?
Y, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Breaking up is generally not a pleasant experience for a romantic couple, especially if one party decides to call the shots and walk away.
As the reason behind your disappearing act was for purely selfish reasons, and you’ve both stopped all forms of communication, then trying to press the reset button needs to be handled with kid gloves.
You state that you left him “heartbroken”, which could account for him remaining single. He will have experienced all sorts of deep-rooted anguish, similar to the sadness of grief following a death.
At least his state of anger from being rejected by you should have passed after a year.
Am unsure why you’ve ignored each other if you were previously a happy couple, and whether you ever had closure if you simply ran out of his life.
I suggest that you try to offer an olive branch by reaching out to let your ex-boyfriend know that he’s always in your thoughts.
SPECIAL SURPRISE
As he used to send you daily poems, you can always surprise him with the same sort of words to grab his attention.
If you can’t compile anything suitable then maybe just use a short message to initiate contact, here’s some examples that should land you a face-to-face rendezvous:
– Good morning to the sweetest man I’ve ever known. Let’s find time for an impromptu coffee date x
– Just pinched myself to make sure that you’re real and not just a dream from the past. Let’s pencil in an impromptu coffee date x
Should he take the bait, it’s best to offer him a choice of two specific dates when he’s likely to be available. Give him the option where to meet, ensuring that these are new places for you as a couple. That’s because you don’t want old memories flooding back.
Your plan should be to focus on the future, and potentially generate new memories.
SEIZE OPPORTUNITY
When you get to see each other, do mention the fun times together. If he talks about something very special that you did, grab this golden opportunity to suggest that you ought to repeat that experience.
His reaction to potentially recreating a loving memory is a perfect way to find out if you two could become a couple once again.
If you manage to meet up, it’s best to start off with an explanation of why you panicked and walked out of his life. Apologise, and reiterate that you would never deliberately hurt him. Don’t dwell on this matter, as it would have dented his self-confidence.
Try to read his body language, because he may well have his barriers up following your rejection. You need to send positive vibes through both body language and kind words about his character.
DELIVER PRAISE
Thank him for the marvellous memories, and tell him that you will always treasure these. If you feel comfortable enough then let him know some of the reasons why you miss being together as a loving couple.
Your former love interest will either leap at the chance to rekindle romance, or he’ll be full of trepidation following the turmoil you caused.
If he’s not emotionally ready to return to your arms, then you’ll have to accept this and suggest a weekly catch-up as friends.
If there’s a deep-rooted connection, you’ll only have to patiently play the waiting game for him to be open to rekindling your romance. You won’t need to worry about the two of you going into the dreaded friend zone with him.
PUSHING AHEAD
On the other hand, here’s some loving messages to fire off to your former beau the morning after your coffee date if you believe a romance is on the cards:
– Good morning handsome. It’s been less than 24 hours but I’m really missing you x;
– How fantastic to see you, wish I could kiss you good morning right now x, and;
– Such a fabulous time yesterday with you. Trust that your sleep was as sweet as the dreams I just had about us x
It sounds like you really embraced being a couple, which you can easily win back. It’s great news that you reflect positively on your previous romantic relationship as well as use the words “us” and “we”. Generally, those who overuse the word “I” are only looking out for themselves, rather than being part of a unit.
MESSAGES MATTER
If you manage to move on from the impromptu coffee date to a full-on date, here’s a couple of suitable messages to send him early the next day:
– Being wrapped in your arms would make this a perfect morning x, and;
– Just had an amazing dream about us, I’ll have to tell you in person because I want to see you blush x
Growing your romance could take some time and patience following the bombshell of your unceremonious, even if you are soulmates, because the trust was broken by your hot-headedness.
You both need to sharpen your communication skills, instead of being churlish by ignoring each other, to determine whether you are both committed to an exciting romantic future.
With mutual commitment, respect and trust you will have the foundations to repair the damage caused last year, enabling your romantic relationship to be rebuilt and to blossom.
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