Can We Recover From Knickers Discovery?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
My girlfriend of only a few weeks has blanked me since she visited my home. She has blocked all forms of communication after she accused me of cheating on her.
The problem was that she was nosing around and found two pairs of knickers, in different sizes from two exes, and one ex-girlfriend’s coat and shoes. I only had these clothes as I didn’t have the heart to throw their stuff away.
Is it possible to mend my relationship, or is it dead?
M, Negril
Love Doctor’s Answer:
You need to pull out all the stops for a new romance relationship, and fully concentrate on your love interest. The fact that you foolishly did not return the personal belongings of two former girlfriends has proved costly. Hopefully that’s only on a short-term basis, and it hasn’t destroyed everything between you.
I’m unsure why you have not already returned these to the respective ladies. In view of the recent chaos caused, I suggest that you immediately package their personal possessions and include a brief note.
Maybe you didn’t post them to your former squeezes in case it opened up the communication channels with either of them. I’m not aware of why you split with these two ladies, but if there was a bad ending then I can sympathise why you didn’t rush their belongings back.
Your latest girlfriend is understandably fuming, but it sounds a bit extreme to block you after such a short time of dating. Maybe she is the insecure type, which could be because she has previously been cheated on, or perhaps she believes that she is engulfed as part of a love triangle.
I suggest that you try to put yourself in her shoes and imagine how you would have reacted. Would you have accepted her having the possessions of two former boyfriends at her home? Think how you would have felt.
Try to show some empathy now and let the dust settle. The best bet is to send her some flowers after a fortnight of zero communication. It is advisable to include a note that reads:
“You are always on my mind. Big apologies for being so thoughtless, there is an explanation. I completely understand how you must have initially felt. I respect you, so I’ll give you some space. Hopefully see you soon, M x”.
The note and flowers should gauge a response, even if it is to say goodbye. Although you should be able to get her back into your life by carefully showing her respect and commitment.
If your current love interest responds in a positive manner then I would urge you to send her another note and flowers with two options for the potential next date, such as:
“Great to hear from you. How about going for cocktails on Friday night or snorkelling over the weekend at Seven Mile Beach? M x”.
However, if she remains angry with you and won’t communicate then you have to patiently play the waiting game until she’s ready. Perhaps she is putting you in your place, as she considered it unacceptable, and wishes for you to learn a lesson.
No doubt she felt that you were not committed by finding such personal possessions of your exes. Now the ball is in your court to prove that she’s the most important lady in your life. The best thing is to not bring up the subject matter about why she blanked you if you manage to rekindle the romance, and certainly never refer to any ex-girlfriend in front of her as she would explode.
You want to build up her trust, and also show her respect. It is best to get rid of all of that clothing in your home asap. For goodness sake don’t get the knickers mixed up — ensure they are sent to the correct ex-girlfriend. Best to be the good guy and include a simple message to each lady of:
“Found these. Thanks for the amazing memories. M x”.
Regardless of her response and your actions, there could be one massive obstacle. If you have ever cheated in a romantic relationship, and this lady is aware of this, then you have an awful lot of work to build back the trust.
You can only fix things if you are both willing to work together to restore the bond that you briefly had, meaning a concerted effort. This offers you an opportunity to pull out all the stops and act romantically.
If you have been a cheater, or she persists in flatly refusing to communicate with you as she believes you are unworthy of her love, then you should accept that your brief fling has concluded. It may be irreparable, in which case you can venture forwards having learned a harsh lesson that you will never wish to repeat.
Remember to share this article on Facebook and other Social Media Platforms. To submit your own articles or to advertise with us please send us an EMAIL at: [email protected]