My Ex Won’t Take NO For An Answer! – Help Me Love Doctor
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
Dear Love Doctor I’m with my 9-year-old daughter here in lockdown in Monte Carlo and an ex keeps pestering me. He won’t take no for an answer since we met in February despite blocking him on everything (email, Facebook, calls and texts).
He sent me a message to my email account using MMS (Multimedia Messaging Service) begging to meet up and because I didn’t reply immediately, he followed it up two hours later calling me a set of unspeakable names.
I’ve blocked his MMS account after I asked him to never contact me again. What should I do next please?
Gigi aka GG – Monte Carlo
Love Doctor’s Answer:
I’m sorry to learn that when he didn’t get his own way that he turned on you by calling you names, which shows both immaturity and the fact that he loves himself more than he could offer you in a relationship.
As you have a young child to consider, then it is a very good idea to have blocked him on all potential communication channels. Being blocked and effectively ignored is a swift and easy way to get rid of having someone persistently contact you.
I’m assuming that he knows where you live, but Monaco is well policed and has CCTV absolutely everywhere. So you need not fear him making an unwanted visit. His only viable option is to send you a letter – snail mail – to explain what his intentions are towards you. He would be foolish to include any further insults in this form of correspondence as it could be used as evidence against him.
My advice is to wipe him from your mind and put this failed relationship down to an error of judgement. We only truly learn from our mistakes, and this is at least behind you now.
The only thing is when the lockdown is over that the principality is pretty small and compact, so don’t rule out bumping into him again. Just be fully prepared to say what you so desire to him if there was a chance meeting, including the fact that his insults mean that there’s zero chance of rekindling the relationship – hopefully he’ll get the message and move on.
Question:
Before lockdown I started seeing a lady who also lives in Kingston.
It never reached second base and we have been video calling each week.
Last Sunday’s video call I saw a good looking man in the background and I was shocked.
She claims he is just a flatmate but he looks just like me – tall, athletic, early 40s and we have identical hair and facial hair.
Help me please.
Vernon, B.Hills, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
She obviously kept this flatmate a secret from you, and now you face a dilemma of a man who closely resembles you physically that is forced to spend time in close proximity with her.
If your relationship is built on physical attraction – which it seems as you used the words ‘good looking’ – then he has a clear advantage over you if he is single. You are on the outside looking in while he has the opportunity to work his magic on a daily basis.
You mention that the romance is at the infancy stage, so if you wish for this to blossom your best bet is to move away from thoughts about lust and do not give her any complements about her physical attributes. Instead concentrate on wooing her the good old-fashioned way.
I would suggest that you have to prove yourself as a great romantic – send her some flowers, write her some poetry, discuss plans for future dates that mean quality time together (not the usual cinema, dance, dinner, drinks etc).
You should do something exciting that brings you together that you can continuously discuss, such as reading a romantic novel or learning a language. That way the flatmate is pushed out of the equation so you can build a rapport to put you and your lady in a situation that is solely about you two.
Ladies generally require a long-term incentive to maintain a relationship, so consider discussing where you have both visited outside Jamaica and suggest that eventually you would relish a vacation with her. Find out whether she is more of a beach person or a sightseer before you make the bold suggestion of a future overseas trip.
You simply require the winning edge over this handsome flatmate. Armed with being attentive, romantic and offering a long-term incentive to maintain her interest should give you the advantage over any of her other potential suitors.
Question:
Because of lockdown all I can do is use social media to see my new lady that I met at a dancehall night in January.
We talk twice a week via video calls and once a week on the cellphone.
But I have noticed on our video calls that she is fast losing her looks and I now realise that her hairstyle looks like someone from the ’80s.
I don’t want to be with someone who looks so dated and without her fine clothes and make-up she looks a real mess – the sort of gal I normally avoid big time.
Am I being shallow about looks because it was her long legs, big smile and curves that originally attracted me to her?
Leighton, MoBay
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Your initial attraction to this lady was because she possessed the physical traits that you so highly prize.
Looks do fade, but you have to decide whether the two of you have enough chemistry and attraction to pursue this romance.
It sounds as though you are basing this relationship solely on looks, as you have criticised the way she looks.
If you stay together it appears that as you both get older you are likely to want to trade her in for a younger model, which is a surprisingly common occurrence for certain men.
It sounds as though you seek a trophy girlfriend rather than a potential wife. People look for different traits in a potential partner, and in your case it is all about appearance.
I suggest that you subtly end this relationship and try to find a lady who is more compatible and whose traits you truly desire and appreciate.
Question:
I have a complex. When I look in the mirror I hardly see anything except my broken nose.
I feel like a duppie and sort of deformed.
Suzan – Manchester
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Of course you believe that everyone can see that your nose is broken, which is affecting your self-esteem.
Yet when people look at others close-up they tend to concentrate on their eyes or mouth, which are deemed to be more sensual for the simple reason that is where expressions are viewed.
A nose is only part of our face furniture, with some prettier than others, but they are really just part of the background of the face.
Do you believe that if you opted for corrective surgery on your nose, which is a straightforward operation to be put right, that this would make you the most beautiful female in Jamaica?
If the answer is yes, then you should definitely investigate undergoing the knife.
If the answer is no, then you need to lose your inferiority complex about your nose and begin to cleverly choose – through make-up and hairstyles – the best way to show off the rest of your face.
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