How Do I Protect My Doppelganger Love Interest?

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Love Doctor Monti is academically trained in interpersonal relationships, partnership intimacy and psychologically.

Question:

My friends truly believe that my new girlfriend is actually the same girl that I’ve been dating for the past year.

Now they’ve mentioned it I can see the resemblance, but to make things confusing she also has the same name as my ex-girlfriend.

I’m concerned they might say something to her thinking this and lose her, what should I do?

Howard, Portmore

Love Doctor’s Answer:
 
You obviously are attracted to a certain type of female, which is not an issue and pretty common. Usually men trade their girlfriend in for a younger version when they want to be seen with a lady that has the same look.

Your problem is that because this latest love interest shares the same name and physical features, then convincing your friends that she’s a completely new lady in your life is tricky.

You’ve two realistic options without straining your friendships. Either go along with them genuinely believing that she’s the same lady you started dating last year, or sit your friends down and explain that you’re not joking about this new romance.

Overall the aim to avoid hurting her feelings, as for obvious reasons she would not like to learn that she totally resembles your ex-girlfriend.

Your best bet is to constantly show that you value her for being her wondrous self, and make positive comments about her character rather than her looks.

Should you wish to avoid conflict with your pals and go along with this lady being your long-term girlfriend, then simply tell your friends to focus on the future rather than dwell on the past.

You don’t state how much time your friends spent with your former love interest, but no doubt you will have informed them about places you went and maybe even went on vacation together. You must ensure your pals never refer to these.

As this is a new and exciting romantic relationship, you should never attempt to visit the same bars, clubs, dancehalls, restaurants etc that you went with any previous girlfriend — as that would be disrespectful.

Your pals, genuinely believing that this is the same lady, may expect you to visit the usual haunts with her and catch up with you both. I urge you to resist doing so, and you can simply tell your friends that you are looking for more excitement rather than going to the same familiar places.

They probably assume that you two had a lover’s tiff but decided to get back together. Regardless of what they think, you should tell you friends to avoid talking about shared memories because you want to have a clean slate with your girlfriend.

Good pals that you hang out with will respect this and hopefully stick to present tense topics, so you’ll have no worries.

However, I would strongly suggest that you come clean about this new lady. As she is unfamiliar with your friends, she could appear too format and is bound to have different characteristics to your ex-girlfriend.

I urge you to explain to pals that you appreciate why they are confused, because these two ladies are lookalikes with the same name. Tell them a bit about her background, interests and character so they realise that you aren’t joking with them.

Add the fact that you really like this lady so don’t want any of your friends to embarrass her or mention your previous girlfriend. Make a pact to not bring up anything from the past year in conversation and to delete any social media group photos with your ex in them.

It is certainly a bizarre scenario, but you wish to avoid any drama or for your new love interest to feel uncomfortable.

My advice is to ensure that any photos of your ex-girlfriend on your cell phone and social media accounts are unavailable for your latest lady to see. Obviously ensure that you change your last girlfriend’s name in your cell phone, so you never get mixed up or old messages pop up.

Should she suddenly realise that you have picked someone so similar looking for a romantic relationship, not only will she feel awkward and hurt but there will be self-doubt about you as a couple.

For you to handle his situation is going to take some effort. If your close friends believed that she’s the same lady as your last love interest, then there will probably be raised eyebrows when you introduce her to any work colleagues and family members.

Plus you must consider your last girlfriend’s feelings, it is always best not to upset an ex because it will always come back to bite you. She will be mortified and angry to see you with her doppelganger, and who could blame her?

It’s imperative not to upset either lady, so stick to your guns and try to treat your new love interest lady differently to your previous girlfriend. Give her a pet name, which will help avoid confusion for you.

I strongly suggest that you undertake some soul searching to establish why you broke up with your ex, because this new opportunity offers you the chance to present an improved version of yourself to this latest special person and evolve into a long-lasting romantic relationship.

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