Betrayed But Now Ready For Romance, What’s The Next Step? – Help Me Love Doctor
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I was in a serious relationship, which I thought was ‘the one’, but it didn’t work out as I caught my now ex-boyfriend in bed with my house help.
It took me a while to get over it, but now I am ready to put myself back out there to see if I can find that special someone to write a whole new chapter with. How do I tackle that as someone who is single and never been married ?
Julie, George Town, Grand Cayman
Love Doctor’s Answer:
You have sensibly taken a step back from rushing into a new relationship after being cheated on, although obviously that decision was helped by the coronavirus crisis and social distancing restrictions.
It can take time until you are ready to give love another chance because of this infidelity. For many it is extremely difficult to trust again in a relationship, but for those who do find someone new for romance then my advice is to ensure that you give them the clean slate that they warrant.
At least you have learned from your dreadful past experience, which you can use to be more cautious with your future choice for a romantic partner.
If you find a new suitor then it is best to be honest with him about the healing process that you’re still experiencing, should you not be fully over your previous relationship. Pose him some questions because you need to discover early on if you have started a relationship with someone you can totally trust, or you risk having selected another cheater.
Ensure that you avoid going down the route of a repeat performance of being hurt, so do not consider dating any former boyfriends.
You will be no doubt be considering dating apps and websites, yet these sadly tend to either be full of fake profiles, those on the hunt for meaningless sex, shallow people who wish to punch above their weight as well as those desperately seeking the perfect person but won’t compromise on who ticks all the boxes.
As you appear to be a patient lady then by slowly building up a relationship would prove beneficial on a long-term basis. You should definitely not rush things otherwise the romance could be primarily built on lust, which once that fades could leave you wanting out of this sudden partnership.
Now you have put this unfortunate betrayal behind you and are ready to move forward, the next step is to find the confidence to flirt with potential suitors.
The Cayman Islands is arguably the culinary capital of the Caribbean, so a romantic dinner would be the ideal date. However, my suggestion is to tell your closest friends that you wish to be eased back into society to meet single men. With any luck some of them will play match-maker and you will soon find yourself out in a group to enjoy food with friends, whether it is tasting the local delicacies or a fine dining experience.
Mutual interests are a perfect bond between people, which offers a brilliant chance to strike up a conversation with a virtual stranger.
So when you are out, whether on Seven Mile Beach or in a supermarket, the next time you overhear some men that you would be interested in chatting do not be afraid to get involved by asking them something that you overheard – they will be flattered that you bothered with them, but do check whether they are wearing a wedding ring first.
I would advise you to try your luck at the supermarkets by hovering around the fresh and frozen sections of ready meals for one. Not only will the men that are potentially single be using these areas, but it is easy to engage in conversation by asking ‘Have you tried this meal?’ If they are single and also find you attractive then you have ignited the interest to start the spark, which should develop into swapping cellphone numbers. You can always ask, if he is about to wander off but you remain keen: “As I’ve never tried this meal then maybe I could cook it for you, do you prefer Friday or Saturday to try my cooking?”
If you don’t feel brave enough to approach men and spark some interest then I suggest you enquire with family and friends about the type of person that they envisage you with. Then ask if they know anyone like the man they have just described who is single.
Alternatively you should look towards those who enjoy the same hobbies as you, because these mean something significant to both of you.
As Grand Cayman offers shipwreck tours, snorkelling, swimming and of course on the North Side the incredible beach of Rum Point then there will at weekends be new faces for you to check out rather than stick to your own territory of George Town.
Venture to find adventure, because if you look in the wrong ponds for Mr Right you will end up kissing lots of frogs in your bid to find your very own Prince Charming.
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