Should I Dump My Penny-Pinching Guy?

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Question:

I’ve been dating for three months but the alarm bells are already ringing.

It’s a slow burner, but last weekend I invited him to mine for the first time as I wanted to impress him with my cooking.

I asked him to bring a non-alcoholic drink with him, as he was driving. To my dismay he arrived with bottle of grape juice and asked me for the money. I don’t carry cash, so in front of me he texted his bank details to pay for this drink.

As you can imagine this set a bad tone for the rest of the evening and was the worse date I’ve ever experienced. I’m now thinking he’s not for me if he’s so mean with money. What do you suggest doing about this?

R, Westmoreland

Love Doctor’s Answer:

He’s not being very gentlemanly in this instance. He obviously should have paid for this drink and ideally should have arrived with a bunch of flowers for you too.

Maybe he’s been out of the dating game for some time so doesn’t adhere to exquisite etiquette. You went to the trouble of cooking a meal for him, and he was inconsiderate.

Sorry that your evening didn’t go as planned and turned into a bad experience.

However, if this was the first time that he showed a mean streak then you need to pull him up on this and explain that you want to be treated like a lady and to feel special. This does need nipping in the bud.

You mention that it’s a slow burner, but don’t explain why. This indicates that he isn’t used to dating. If that’s the case you can use this latest scenario to trigger guiding this man into someone that you would truly like to be with.

If you are dividing the bill each time you go out, whether it is to a bar or wherever, then you need to be direct. Tell him that although women are perceived as equal nowadays, you expect him to be a gentleman.

Should he happily expect you to pay your way on dates, he isn’t going to last much longer with you by the sounds of things.

Understandably many man have had their fingers burned by ladies via online dating apps and sites, as it is well known that some women will only go out to be wined and dined because they want something for nothing.

Perhaps he has experienced that in the past, and like numerous men across the globe has become fed up with being taken advantage of. Yet you’ve been dating for three months and should have established that he’s expected to put his hand in his pocket for dates.

Quite frankly his behaviour over a bottle of grape juice is beyond the pale, and you have every right to knock things on the head with him.

As you’re already contemplating dumping him, it seems that your mind is already made up and you are ready to go your separate ways.

However, as it is a slow burner he is actually showing you respect overall by not forcing the relationship to move to intimacy.

It’s about time that he started to be more romantic, and I suggest you start to prompting him towards buying you flowers and treating you like a lady.

His latest actions could have been because he no longer feels the same thrills that were initially there, and rather than split up with you this was an opportunity for him to force you to break up with him.

The proverbial rose-tinted glasses appear to come off between the two of you. This is when the flaws were hidden, because of the initial excitement of your relationship seems to have died down.

His behaviour doesn’t bode well for moving forward as a couple, unless you can explain to him that you were upset about this and he accepts it was wrong.

If he can admit it was a thoughtless act and make it up to you, for example by taking you out for a meal and paying for this, then you can potentially repair your relationship.

Yet this seems an unlikely scenario, but would get your romance back on track, although you may need to prompt him.

Relationships often run their course, and these range from a fortnight to a year before both parties realise that they seek an upgrade and wish to escape the stale relationship.

I urge you to compile a list of five characteristics you find attractive about this man, and also write down five aspects that you don’t like. Weight these up to determine whether he is long-term boyfriend material or it’s time to go your separate ways.

You deserve to be treated much better, as inviting a new love interest to you home and showing your culinary skills obviously was a significant step forward in your relationship.

Sadly this has all gone pear-shaped and has turned into a make-or-break scenario. As you didn’t enjoy the evening, you can either put it behind you as a blip or after checking your lists give him the boot.

Mutual respect and being made to feel special are essential ingredients required to make a romantic relationship work, these are missing so it could be time for you to hit the reset button.

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