Can I Fix My Rocky Relationship Without Pleasure?
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Question:
My boyfriend of a year has never satisfied me in the bedroom, for the simple reason he is not well endowed.
He has never been romantic and completely lacks passion. This is the first time I’ve encountered this and I’m in my early 40s. What’s the solution?
G, Negril
Love Doctor’s Answer:
This is a common problem between couples, and tends to lead to a break-up when a man lacks the desire to fully satisfy his partner physically.
As you claim that he doesn’t offer romance and passion, the big question you need to ask yourself is what does he offer to your relationship?
There must be some sort of value from your boyfriend, otherwise you would not have stuck it out for an entire year. That is unless you are a needy lady who doesn’t wish to be alone.
Many couples stay together when the passion has gone, usually because they seek companionship or succumb to peer pressure or companionship despite the lack of a meaningful romantic relationship.
It sounds like this double whammy of little romance and passion on top of being unable to fulfil your sexual appetite means that your relationship is stuttering along and will crash in due course.
You are clearly not compatible on a long-term basis, unless you can smooth out these big problems.
My advice is to open up the channels of communication to let him know that you want him to inject more romance into the relationship.
You don’t want to criticise his manhood, as they will affect his self-esteem and can lead to erectile dysfunction. If you are a mother, and didn’t under the C-section, it may be your looseness following childbirth that makes you believe that he is inadequately equipped for intimate moments.
INVEST IN CREATING PASSION
As for the passion, men are visual creatures so investing in some sexy underwear and a kama sutra book could be key to generating more passion.
Jamaica supermarkets are kitted out with a plethora of aphrodisiacs that can help turn on the bedroom excitement.
However, there’s the stumbling block of being small ‘downstairs’. The kama sutra book has details of numerous different sexual positions. If you can find something that satisfies your needs, then there’s every reason for you to get this relationship back on track with ease.
As you’ve been together for 12 months you may have discovered that the rose-tinted glasses, when you both loved each other flaws and all, have slipped off.
DRAWING TO A NATURAL CLOSE
Many relationships simply run their course, and fail after three, six, nine or 12 months. You may find that has happened to the two of you. The fact he is not romantic or passionate may be down to the initial excitement of being together coming to a natural close.
I would urge you to think about the good times you experienced, pick out a couple of these and suggest that you try to repeat at least one of these before you throw in the towel.
Invest in some citrus scent and candles to get his sexual senses flowing. Lemon aromas can help relax blood vessels and contribute to an improved sexual relationship.
It sounds like his heart is not in this partnership, so a sit down chat about your future is essential. This frank discussion offers you both an escape route from what sounds like a failing romantic relationship.
VITAL INGREDIENTS FOR ROMANCE
To succeed on a long-term basis you need to love each other affectionately, romantically and sexually. You are lacking two of these vital aspects, so you two seem doomed unless you can steer things along to drastically alter your future together.
You have to act now to determine whether you could ever be in a long-term relationship with this man. If not then you should start to plan your journey to finding the perfect partner forever to ensure your future happiness.
The more time that you spend with the wrong person, and this applies to both of you, means you are wasting time when you could be the right person who deserves your devotion and love.
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