Small Gifts Present Chance To Repair Lost Love
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Question:
My life is good apart from romantically. I took a short-term contract in nearby Canada to get over splitting up with my boyfriend last year, and I’ve now been back home for almost six months.
Everything got ruined after I blocked him in a fit of rage, because he rejected me by suggesting we take a break. A break was a total shock as we were very serious.
This year my ex-boyfriend has been posting small and significant gifts whenever he’s on business in MoBay. Despite his thoughtful gifts, I’ve continued to blank him because I still love him deeply although I would love us to get back together.
He’s single, according to his social media posts, but should I contact him and suggest meeting up in MoBay?
M, Montego Bay
Love Doctor’s Answer:
A break-up can be especially tricky to deal with when it is unexpected, with dreams dented. Due to the emotional turmoil, which includes anger in the early stages, it is advisable to throw any hurt into something worthwhile and time-consuming.
You did the right thing by taking a job in Canada on a short-term basis, as you could direct your pain and energy into this. It would have been a fantastic distraction, although blocking your ex-boyfriend was foolish.
You’ve now got time to reflect on what could have been between you two, now that you’ve been back on the island for some time with previous memories probably flooding back.
OLIVE BRANCH
The fact that he’s single and reaching out to you with thoughtful gifts indicates that he still holds a torch for you. It’s probably his olive branch, and as he’s single he could be hoping that you two can repair the damage.
Persistently ignoring him is not going to smooth things over. You should immediately unblock him, and add a recent photo of yourself to a messaging platform that you used to contact him on.
I urge you to send him a photo of you two smiling and refer to this with the following message:
– Thanks so much for the kind gifts, which are really appreciated. Let’s meet the next time you’re in town. This was such an amazing time together, thanks for the fantastic memories. x
By not putting the word “I” into the message, and offering him the opportunity for a catch-up, shows that you are not emotionally needy.
He will be intrigued by your sudden communication and photo. If he’s still romantically interested in you, then he should snap your hand off about a potential rendezvous.
ROMANCE KILLED
Don’t forget that although he was the one who opted to call the shots with a break, you were the one who ultimately killed the romance by blocking him.
It was probably self preservation as well as rage for you deciding to halt all communication. That silly act has served its purpose, but you both must draw a line underneath the break and blocking.
When you manage to meet up, ensure that you both take responsibility for the relationship having crashed. You are older and wiser now, so it’s imperative to be honest about each of your actions.
OVER REACTION
These were cruel acts by each of you. The channels of communication should have been opened rather than allowing him to take control by suggesting a break.
Your knee-jerk reaction was to block him, which indicates your insecurity and was controlling, as a break was an idea and not set in stone.
Obviously you don’t live in the same area, so it sounds like you experienced a part-time relationship. This could have been a factor for the break-up.
There was no closure, as you opted to block him but ended up punishing both of you. It sounds like you both need to roll back time to focus on the future if that’s what you both desire.
As it seems pretty obvious that you both remain in each other’s thoughts. Your priority is to take the bull by the horns by unblocking him, and reaching out with a message plus a photo to potentially press the reset button.
REBUILDING PLAN
If you two can accept that you were both wrong about the way things ended, and feel that there’s still a strong connection, there’s no reason why you can’t try to rebuild what you had.
There needs to be much better communication, with no more churlish blocking involved, to help gradually build up mutual respect and trust.
Both of you need to show devotion to slowly try and rekindle your romantic relationship. This includes turning the partnership from part-time to full-time, and reigniting the fire in your hearts.
You were happy to briefly move to Canada, so if everything runs smoothly after a few months you can maybe discuss moving nearer to each other or even in together.
If you share the same dreams, and can plan for the future together by showing full commitment, there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy a long and meaningful romantic relationship.