How Do I Stop My Relationship Getting In The Way Of My Career?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I’m at a crossroads about my long-term boyfriend and how he is affecting me from being more successful in my chosen career.
He doesn’t mean to steal my ambitions, but he’s never been supportive about my dreams. Now friends and family are asking me about my future plans, and when I respond I realise that he’s never in them.
Has this love story come to a natural end or is there something that I should do?
Amy, St. Elizabeth
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Maybe you are concentrating so much on work that you have forgotten why this man is in your life. All work and no play can be unfulfilling down the line, so firstly consider whether you are neglecting your boyfriend.
However, if the dilemma is that he is not supportive then it is best to be direct in order to tackle this issue. Tell him that you feel that he is preventing you from being as successful in your career as you want and gauge his reaction.
If you can confront him and ask about what steps the pair of you can undertake to change things, then he will respect you – or storm off as a defence mechanism.
I suggest that you explain that you definitely need new work experiences to maintain interest in your demanding job, so would like him to engage with you about your career as it means so much.
Be aware that not all partners are willing to support success. If you are successful then he could become jealous, especially if you earn more money than him. Men particularly have to deal with low self-esteem around a partner who visualises the future with high ambition.
On the other hand maybe you can’t switch off from work, and your boyfriend feels pushed away. Yet finding a happy medium for both career and personal relationships is imperative.
You may discover, if you manage to have a heart-to-heart, that he has insecurities. Going out to a bar or for a coffee is the best way to casually confront him.
Be blunt and tell him your future plans, explaining why they are so important to you, then ask him how he sees the two of you in five years. This will be the time to discover whether he’s your future or past, because you don’t want to waste your time with an unwilling partner.
You obviously have the drive and passion to follow the path to success. So if he doesn’t want you to meet your career/entrepreneurial goals, and states that he sees you at home looking after your child then you will know this is an ill-fitting relationship.
This is your make or break opportunity. The doors are open for your boyfriend to either show support or to show that he would prevent you from proving successful.
If he can show the desire to complement the life that you intend on building through your career ambitions, then he’s a keeper. If not then you need to rethink this relationship, and delve deep into what you expect from him in both the short- and long-term.
As work means so much to you then rather than offer an ultimatum of career or relationship, then I strongly urge you to suggest to your boyfriend some time apart to savour his life without you with his hobbies. That way the two of you will treasure the moments you are together, just like it was when you first met and started dating.
Balancing a good career and a solid relationship is always going to be a tough balancing act, but be honest to yourself and decide whether you are willing to give your boyfriend the attention, love and time that a long-term relationship warrants.
You may find the true answer to your dilemma can only be answered by your heart, which won’t compromise as it waives towards picking either a career or a loving relationship rather than long-term happiness.
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