Should I Consider A Friends With Benefits Arrangement? Please Help Me Love Doctor
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I am fed up with a sexless existence despite being a single, shapely woman in her 30s and no kids.
I recently watched the movie Friends With Benefits and think that maybe I would like a taste of adult fun. But should I? If so how?
I am worried of what could occur as the area where I live is not big. Should I venture to other places for this kind of pleasure?
Amanda, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
The dating world is fun, but getting into a sexual relationship with no strings attached could become needlessly complicated. You sound as though you are in the mood to play between the sheets, yet not in the mood for the excess baggage of a traditional romantic relationship.
That rom-com film Friends with Benefits was for entertainment purposes only around a decade ago. However, the on-screen chemistry between Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake did sprinkle enough magic to encourage people considering such a partnership.
A friends with benefits connection is perfect for those who have the urge to regularly enjoy sexual encounters, but do not fancy a committed relationship.
My advice is for you to seriously think about whether as a single lady you would be happy in a casual sex relationship. Remember that definitely would not offer the deeply emotional ingredients that you have become accustomed to.
You should be aware that at first there could be the thrill of sex with a virtual stranger, which can be a welcome breath of fresh air. The other side of the coin is that there is the potential for you feeling unfulfilled.
Even those in these friends with benefits relationships need to ask a handful of questions before embarking on the adventure, such as will it be an exclusive liaison or will either of you be hooking up with other people? And what happens if the bond grows between you into more than just a sexual encounter?
Many romantic relationships fail because of two main factors, namely the excitement has waned or one of you no longer invests the time to spend as a happy couple.
Blistering sex happens to be one of the supreme aspects of being in a relationship, and as a sexual being then sharing pleasurable moments with someone special is remarkable.
Just because you have not found that special someone yet, and the Covid-19 pandemic has put a spanner in the works for many singletons, does not mean that you should give up seeking your Prince Charming nor resort to seeking instant gratification in this manner.
So much depends upon whether you are not interested in a fully blown commitment right now, but are yearning for your passionate juices to be flowing again.
As liberating as it would be to enjoy no strings attached sex, you need to ask yourself whether you would be happy regularly sleeping with a man that you do not find attractive.
If you like and trust a man that you consider to be hot who is interested in a friends with benefits arrangement, then you must set up some ground rules.
But first, how do you find him? I suggest that rather than looking in your own patch you start to scour the personals online and social media channels to test the water in other towns/cities.
There is an expression that you don’t pooh where you eat, so my advice is to venture to bigger places on your road to sexual discovery. You can easily find out what other men and women are considering, and once you scratch the surface will realise that you are not the only lady seeking some thrills.
Do not neglect the fact that the word friend is included in the friends with benefits title, so when you seek a suitor for this arrangement my advice is to find a personality match as well as a physical attraction. This new friend needs to respect you and your feelings otherwise do not get involved.
Sex is personal, so there should be no issue with you exploring one of the most fundamental aspects of being a human being.
Your friends and family are bound to consider your desire to be involved in such a shallow relationship as either inappropriate or promiscuous. I urge you to keep such a friends with benefits arrangement to yourself, although maybe mention to just two or three people you trust to be supportive.
Friends with benefits means that you will want to keep the experience hot and steamy. To start with lay down some common ground rules outside the bedroom, including the crucial question of how to end it if one of you stops feeling the connection.
At the end of the day all that matters is what would make you feel happy and fulfilled. If that is a friends with benefits partnership then start exploring the avenues to having a fling with a difference.
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