What Can I Use For The Last Chance Saloon?
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Question:
It is coming up for a year since my surprise split, which was just after Valentine’s Day. I’ve been sending a short email every month to try and coax my ex-girlfriend back. Next month will be my very last attempt.
She’s never replied, not even to says thanks for the token gifts I sent for her birthday and Christmas. I feel like I’m hitting my head against a brick wall.
After this month’s message I’ll throw in the towel and hopefully start to feel ready to date again.
I want to know what to send her in my final message. I’ll always love her, but I respect that I can’t force her back into my life.
D, Clarendon
Love Doctor’s Answer:
The reason you remain cut up by your breakup is because you remain confused by her actions of ending your relationship, and for her silence ever since.
On top of that you probably didn’t have closure, which if that’s the case then you certainly need to push for to allow you to move on.
Many relationships end when they have run their natural course. This is often triggered by poor communication between partners and/or the rose-tinted glasses have slipped off.
St. Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. This offers you the penultimate opportunity to grab this lady’s attention, without being extravagant, before you fire off the last attempt with your final email.
You should send an anonymous Valentine’s card with just two lines, ensuring that you don’t adding your initial or name. Importantly sign it with a lower-case kiss. Maybe ask a close friend you trust to write this, and therefore disguise the fact this is from you.
However, add a small St. Valentine’s Day gift that she may conceive could be from you. It needs to something that she strongly associates with you, so put your thinking cap on about this.
SECOND SHOT OR CLOSURE?
If you are serious of trying to rekindle your romantic relationship, even after being apart from being together with virtually a year, then you need to explain in your final monthly message exactly why you wish to give it a second shot and include some of the things what you can offer.
You need to follow the two-one psychology trick for your final message to your former squeeze,. This comprises two positive sentences about her, followed by one sentence that clearly conveys what you wish to achieve. With these three sentences it is imperative to not to use the word I.
In your case you wish to meet with the objective to either obtain closure or discuss about potentially getting back together.
I would urge you to try and open up the channels of communication in your final email to your previous squeeze by setting up a new email address, but ensuring that your name is clear on the message and she doesn’t feel tricked.
REMINDER OF YOUR LOVE
As she has failed to respond to your other emails, your ex may have initially blocked your email address when you sent her the first message. I suggest that you add an attachment of a collage of photos of you two during your loving relationship, which could jolt her into remembering how happy you two were.
For your final attempt at reminding her how much she meant to you, and obviously she still does, you should post her a photo album that has at least a dozen images of you together along with a message of “Thank you for our terrific times together, shall always be treasured. D x”.
While you are printing out these photos, obtain a copy for you that ideally you look at once and then place in an envelope that you seal. These memories only need looking at if you manage to get back together, or in years to come so that you can think fondly about this lady.
At the moment you are going through the pain of your broken relationship, so there will be some anger towards your ex. This is why these images need to be filed away and looked in years to come.
MUSIC TO HER EARS
You may find out that she moved on romantically. Even if she has, and numerous partnerships rarely last 12 months, you may discover that she is about to initiate another split. In which case your message will be music to her ears.
When you’re ready to seek a meaningful romantic relationship, whether with your ex or someone new, check that there are some essential ingredients to make it work such as mutual aspirations, interests, respect and trust.
Women generally steer relationships and are firmly in the driving seat, especially when the journey is on a rocky road. She may have dashed your dreams, but that doesn’t mean you have given up until your last message and the photo album.
If she fails to response then she’s not worthy of the devotion, effort and love you can offer. You will realise that once the pain of heartache has evaporated, and in the meantime can follow my advice on how to start meeting single ladies.
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