Mourning Mother’s Day
There are many people who mourn Mother’s Day.
For some, it is a reminder that mommy is no longer with me OR mommy was never with me OR mommy and I are estranged.
For others, it is a reminder that I’m not a mother and for me, motherhood will never be.
Last year, I wrote For Motherless Daughters because I was one of those persons who mourned Mother’s Day. I was one of those people who locked myself in the house, turned off the phone and stayed away from social media because messages saluting mothers filled me with dread — resentment — even a certain longing for what never was.
I spent so much time focusing on my lack that I was unable to realize the gifts beingmotherless taught me. Last year, I shared three:
- I Was Raised By a Village
God provided me with the right people at every single point of my life’s journey.
There was the aunt who taught me how to read using scriptures from the bible, the grandmother who took me to church and taught me to pray, the cousin who would send money to buy uniforms so I could go to school, the cousin who got $10:00 JMD for lunch money and gave me $5:00 JMD out of it each day.
There was the foster-mother who financed my high school education, the aunt who treated me like her own child and ensured I got into a good college, teachers who taught me more than the curriculum offered, and the mentor who gave me a glimpse into what my life could look like if I chose to become victor over my circumstances.
I stand proud today and I can truly say, I am not a motherless daughter, I am the daughter of many mothers, and a true child of the universe.
- I Became a Goal Digger — I Decided To Win
My drive to succeed came out of a need to prove to the world that I was meant to be here. I had to win every award there was to be won, ace every test, and prove I was the best.
How else would I validate the fact that I was much more than an abandoned child? How else was I going to show the world that I was bright, loving, lovable and meant to be here?
The various awards and trophies taunted me from the spot created for them on my bookshelf. They said: ‘Your mother still left you. This doesn’t prove a damn thing.’
They were right.
It took me years to realize that I was not defined by my accomplishments and my achievements didn’t determine my value.
- I Am a Lot More Empathetic
I have been blessed with the ability to see people — I mean really SEE people.
I can hear the pain behind the long, loud laughter of the chubby girl trying to fit in, I am able to see the sorrow behind a mask of smiles, and I can aptly identify those little boys who run the fastest, shout the loudest and do every single ‘manly’ thing to prove they’re not trapped in the wrong body.
I see. I truly see. And, I am the first to say: Talk to me, there’s no judgment here. Talk to me, I understand.
Today, I still mourn Mother’s Day. And I have come to terms with the fact that I may always will.
But, in my mourning, I take time out to celebrate my birth mother.
A woman who carried me full-term for nine months, then gave me to people who she thought I’d have a better life with. I think that takes great strength.
To those who mourn Mother’s Day, remember in everything there is a blessing. Remember, in everything there is a gift. I once again, leave you with words from one of the many women who ‘mothered’ me. She says:
“Try as we might, we can never change the fact that life is not always about our realities. Sometimes, we get the bitter end of the stick. But the blessings reach us when we forgive ourselves, we love ourselves, we accept our circumstances and be the best human beings we can be.’
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